The show opens up with another live edition of the Dirt Sheet. Miz says he’ll become the next ECW Champion in his hometown, I fully endorse this idea. Morrison then says it is bogus that he isn’t in the scramble match, valid point. They call out Mark Henry, and John Morrison waddles on his chair and gets a fat joke in before they call out Chavo Guerrero.

Miz and Morrison tampered with his music; it was just them mockingly singing his theme. Morrison apologises and says “Will Kerwin see us after the show”. They then called out Finlay, but they said he couldn’t find a babysitter for Hornswoggle, so they have Finlay’s brothers live via satellite. This part of the Dirt Sheet sucked and went on for too long, Finlay eventually came out and Hornswoggle booted Miz in the shin. Morrison then calls out “Jeff…”, no wait, “Matt Hardy”. Hardy runs all the heels down and implies they’re queers, it breaks down to where everyone is brawling, Evan Bourne and Tommy Dreamer make their way down to join in.

We’re back from the break with all the guys from the Dirt Sheet shouting at each other in the backstage area. As the U.S. Express try and hold all these men back, Teddy Long came in and made a 8 man main event for tonight.

Super Crazy was out to take on Gavin Spears. Early on in the match, Super Crazy did some Lucha arm drags and some wacky submissions. Spears cut him off and worked him over with a headlock, Crazy rolled through on a sunset flip attempt and dropkicked the hell out of Gavin Spears’ face. After a barrage of heel kicks, Super Crazy hit a cool looking springboard second rope moonsault for the win. Gavin Spears will be unemployed soon.

Super Crazy was out to take on Gavin Spears. Early on in the match, Super Crazy did some Lucha arm drags and some wacky submissions. Spears cut him off and worked him over with a headlock; Crazy rolled through on a sunset flip attempt and dropkicked the hell out of Gavin Spears’ face. After a barrage of heel kicks, Super Crazy hit a cool looking springboard second rope moonsault for the win. Gavin Spears will be unemployed soon.

After a commercial for the new Mr. Perfect DVD, someone who definitely isn’t perfect is out for his match – Ricky Ortiz! Ortiz is facing Ryan Braddock, who is some jobber from developmental I think. Anyway, this match featured one of the longest headlocks ever. Ortiz won and nobody cares about him, crap match which makes Ortiz 5-0 in them. Just fire both of these goons.

Main Event time now, with Miz & Morrison teaming with Chavo Guerrero and Mark Henry to face Evan Bourne, Finlay, Tommy Dreamer and Matt Hardy.

Hardy and Morrison start, Morrison is beaten on until he backs Finlay into his corner and tags out to Chavo. Chavo and Finlay wrestle for awhile until Chavo is caught up in the apron and Hornswoggle dives onto Bam Neely.

We come back from the break with Finlay dominating Chavo Guerrero. Chavo is the whipping boy for the faces until he corners Evan Bourne and the heels then take advantage of the match. Bourne eventually reverses a backbreaker into a head scissors take down and tags out to Tommy Dreamer. Being the jobber that he is, Dreamer’s brief show of fire is cut off and he is controlled by the heels. He breaks free ala Freddie Mercury and god knows, god knows he tags out to Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy rocks the heels and looks like a modern day Flash Gordon beating on Chavo Guerrero.

Mark Henry is in and cuts off Hardy, Henry misses the big splash and Matt Hardy tags out to Evan from Heaven. Bourne hits a shooting star press on Henry, instead of going for the pin; he throws one of the heels who is running at him out of the ring and tags out to Dreamer. Dreamer splashes Henry, and like Bourne he throws another heel out, Finlay does a splash and another heel bites the dust. It ends up with Matt Hardy now the legal man and he hits a twist of fate on Henry for the victory. The faces celebrate as ECW goes off the air.

Boring show this week, two crappy squash matches, one of them being a Ricky Ortiz match which automatically brings any show down. The Dirt Sheet and the main event did nothing to make me want to see the scramble match this Sunday. While I’d like Miz to be the champ (mainly to hear the cries of “OMG ECW is dead, f*** you Vince, you killed der wrestling), Mark Henry as champion of the show is really working for me. He comes off as somewhat of a star, and a legit champion who’ll be hard to beat.

Steve McLaren
steve@wwepreview.com