When this arrived through my letterbox, I’ll admit… a little teeny bit of bile formed in my mouth. I attempted to pass it back into the hands of the post-man, hoping he’d not wish it upon me, but alas, he’d already trodden onwards. I was left alone with this 3-disc abomination.

But then I reconsidered.

Sure, Kane’s an entirely storyline driven character, who’s about as believable as Howard the Duck, and been in more duds than The Great Khali, Viscera, and Kevin Nash combined. But he’s also an enduring character, whom fans, twelve years on, still respond to.

And he’s also entirely capable of, on a good day, working a believable main event.

What’s on it?

There’s a whole bunch of matches, linked together by Kane himself, standing in some sort of Kane type room. Immediately it’s clear that this is complete kiddie-fodder. Bizarrely, it also renders redundant lots of the things Kane’s particularly good at, while spotlighting his often repetitive end results. It would have made for some great goofball viewing, if Kane’s various opponents were including, talking about what they recalled from their rivalries with the Big Red Machine. I imagine Chris Jericho would have quite the larf reminiscing about their feud over a spilt cup of coffee, and Shane O’ Mac would have enjoyed discussing the lovely occasion Kane electrocuted his nards.

Mankind vs. Kane

From Montreal (yes that Pay Per View); this bout’s a nice novelty because it takes place entirely under bright red, KANE-Style lighting. But that’s also really distracting and annoying after about thirty seconds. Foley never had the chemistry with Kane that he had with The Undertaker, but nonetheless they work hard here to draw the fans in, even spicing things up with a table bump… “Tito Santana is hurt bad!” It’s intriguing too because Glen Jacobs was still an undistinguished big guy, playing an entirely emotionless character.

Kane vs. Undertaker

Although the storyline behind this bout was absolute insanity, taking in more twists and turns than a game of snakes and ladders, the video package of all that material was wonderful, and perfectly hyped this match from WrestleMania 14. Although the match hardly gave the expected fireworks, it was a satisfying enough first time encounter, and revisiting it, it still holds up. Kane was full of mystique at this time, and has the classic match for you folk who insist that he should go back to that (you’re all wrong by the way), while Undertaker has an emo-teardrop painted on his face for those who need some creativity mixed in with their empathy.

Inferno Match
Kane vs. Undertaker

Inferno matches suck. They’re awful. As a first time deal, this was an impressive bout, but if you’ve seen it once, there’s no need to ever bother with it again. They brawl gingerly around the ring, not just limited by the flames, but by the heat surrounding them. It’s pretty telling when the best bit is a brawl around the arena and stage involving Paul Bearer and Vader. Not a great situation I which to wrestle. I have to admit to laughing when JR called Kane a “one eyed monster” though… tehehehe.

WWE Title First Blood Match
Steve Austin © vs. Kane

An often overshadowed (by the Mankind/Taker Hell in a Cell match) brawl, featuring the Champ, Austin, entering into the peak of his considerable popularity. At times this is a hokey event, but it works, for the most part. Is it silly that neither man bleeds for so long, considering what they do? Yeah. But WWE audiences hadn’t seen this gimmick before in 1998 and they were really behind the whole scenario that Kane would be difficult to bust open. Insanely this remains an almost career-high for Kane, eleven years on, and not just because he raised the WWE title (for one night only…).

The finish of the match is brilliantly worked, with Foley and The Undertaker getting involved, leading to the priceless reaction on Austin’s face when the referee see’s the blood pouring from his wounds. The only real downside to this bout, is that although fans were ridiculously supportive of Austin, Kane had said, if he didn’t win the title, he’d set himself on fire. The result? Yep the sick teenage fans wanted to see Kane in flames.

Mind you, the blurring of the WWF logos is pretty damn irritating at points in this crazy bout.

Tag Team Title Match
Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart© vs. Kane & X-Pac

Ahh, they couldn’t have left out the odd couple tandem of Kane and X-Pac. Who can forget their odd three way relationship with Torrie? Or the wonderful moments such as Kane performing crotch-chops? Or buddy Waltman teaching him the gift of English? Storylines involving the tag titles in 1999, and both Owen and Jeff were often rubbish, but both guys clearly felt they had something to prove in the ring, and it often yielded very watchable performances. This bout is no exception even though the resulting tag title switch was pretty daft. Okay so they were an odd unit, but there was no need to see them wearing gold.

Steel Cage Match
Kane vs. X-Pac

This whole release starts to get really irritating, as Kane being turned on by X-Pac is described by Kane as if he were the one who got nasty. These two were a prominent part of TV for months, and there was a lot of storyline attention given to them, but it’s completely ignored. Kane has Torrie in his corner here, but there’s no explanation given prior to the match as to who she is. And yeah, it’s not a good match, completely bereft of drama and excitement. Shitty crowd too. Yeah, so Armageddon 99 was nothing special but still… the fans are completely silent at points during this, and while it’s a short-cut filled affair, it’s not particularly bad.

The problem with X-Pac was always that once he reached a certain level, he couldn’t be pushed higher, he just wasn’t believable anymore, as was the case here. At least he’s playing the heel mind… The New Age Outlaws get involved, but it’s hard to care. Fortunately, it’s a sterling effort from Mr Jacobs, who performs a Clothesline off the top at one point, and generally looks pretty badass. Just above average, but certainly watchable.

Last Man Standing Match
Chris Jericho vs. Kane

This is a heck of a sloppy brawl featuring two dudes who were suffering from a severe lack of direction in late 2000. Jericho in particular looked set to have all his ability and momentum of the first half of the year wasted, as the fans in attendance responded to huge chunks of this clash with complete apathy. Last Man Standing matches aren’t easy to work under the best of circumstances (as claimed by HHH, who’s been in some of the best) and Kane and Jericho had a horrible storyline to contend with. The highlight could be Jericho getting nailed with an absolutely awesome choke slam. They do a few neat stunts, and we get a couple of surprising moments, but absolutely nothing is memorable. And the ending of the match is one of those nonsensical, awful finishes that has nothing to do with wrestling whatsoever.

Tag Team Titles Tables Match
Undertaker & Kane vs. Dudley Boys © vs. Edge & Christian

American Badass, by Kid Rock, as used for Undertaker’s entrance, is dubbed over for this release, with some generic crap. What a bizarre choice of match to have on this. Undertaker is in absolutely awful shape, perhaps the worst of his career while Kane was carrying far too much muscle at this point (something that he wouldn’t remedy until mid-2002). Near the start of the match Bubba takes a hilarious bump off the ramp, as it becomes apparent this will just be a wacky brawl. Minutes later, he slides and falls over on a pile of chairs. Not his day.

I have to admit, I have no recollection of this match whatsoever. It’s easy to see why too, because although it’s actually pretty good, it’s consists of stuff we’ve seen far too many times from all these guys, especially the Dudley’s, who must have competed in thousands of Tables matches in 2000. Nice to see Haku making a rare appearance however!

Intercontinental Title Chain Match
Triple H © vs. Kane

The WWE isn’t big on Chain matches, which is understandable. They’re not easy to pull off, and many fail to do so, producing dull, sluggish affairs. But they should definitely have another go sometime. This was a respectable effort, and typical of Hunter’s Dec 99- May 01 efforts- memorable, innovative matches where he was willing to work all manner of stipulations, gimmicks and styles.

Trips is at his heinous best, while Kane was clicking as a baby face at this point, and throughout this match they opt to use an arm injury to Kane as the basis for encouraging sympathy (always an issue with Kane). Although the chain can somewhat limit performers, these two wisely use their brains to work around it, and incorporate it intelligently within the structure. Shame that the chair-shot finish isn’t very accurately worked.

Although the end result isn’t really a flowing match, but more a series of spots linked by brutality, and some surprisingly good selling, it’s still pretty damn satisfying. Plus, Paul Heyman on commentary is always a bonus!

Kurt Angle vs. Kane

Interesting that almost a year goes by before another Kane encounter is deemed worthy of inclusion. For it to be this is just odd though. WM X8 must have been a big disappointment for Angle, who having carried the WWE for much of 2001 alongside Steve Austin, was left out of the mix, and given this forgettable spot. Anyone could have been taking on Kane, because nothing of note occurs. Angle isn’t even permitted a dominant win against an opponent who was in quite a slump .Both guys work really hard, but this is pretty dull stuff.

Champion vs. Champion
Kane vs. Triple H

Yep, the infamous bout that rubbed people the wrong way for numerous reasons. Firstly, in October 2002, people absolutely despised Triple H, and his very existence, and were outraged that he was World Champion (Jeebus, they should have relaxed at this stage, The Game would continue to wear the strap for ten of the next eleven months) .It then didn’t help matters that in the build-up, they tastelessly had Hunter claim that Kane committed Necrophilia on his dead girl-friend (who he accidentally killed by the way), and re-enact the vile scene in a comedy segment. Horrible stuff. It never works when the WWE starts to delve into supposed “real” events, that can’t possibly be real because of the criminal implications.

The worst crime the WWE committed with this situation however, was in getting rid of the Intercontinental title. Whoever thought that was a good idea needed a hard slap. The belt came back the following year of course, but removing it at all was utterly ridiculous.

Ignoring all that, this is a fairly enjoyable, though silly bout, featuring a trimmed down Kane, in the best shape of his career. Lots of referee bumps and interference keep the last few minutes lively.

Rob Van Dam & Kane vs. Chris Jericho & Kane

Once more, they do a superior of almost ignoring a huge long-term storyline altogether, on this occasion, the Rob Van Dam/Kane relationship. Kane’s twenty second analysis does not do it justice. In a way, this is another strange inclusion, a tag bout from Raw, but it’s nice to see, because it isn’t the sort of thing that will ever surface elsewhere. A much-different looking Randy Orton is in the corner of the heels, while HBK is alongside the babyfaces. Christian and Jericho were an awesome tag team, but my, Christian really didn’t suit the long-haired look at all.

Still, an odd inclusion, as Kane largely does nothing until the finish.

- Highlights of the Mask vs. Title Kane/Triple H match that unnecessarily placed HHH as the guy to unmask Kane. It’s amusing because Kane has a bizarre wig during the whole match, and at the end, they only show his “disfigured” face in distorted effect (because it looked pitiful), which they’ve done ever since.

Steel Cage Match
Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

This was not a good rivalry at all, even though JR calls Kane a “legitimate, breathing monster”. However, this cage match is certainly an improvement on their poor effort the month before at Summerslam; wisely left off this set (Kane embarrassingly fell off the top rope at one point). The problem is, there’s never a belief in the fans that Kane will lose this match, and no-one particularly bought into him going anywhere special after winning the feud.

Last Man Standing Match
Shane McMahon vs. Kane

I hate this match. I hate this match, even though it’s actually fairly good. The reason for such dislike is the inclusion of Shane Mc Mahon (see recent columns on his current feud with Randy Orton) and the fact that against the “Monster” Kane, Shane looks ungodly heroic, more so than any of the WWE’s actual wrestlers. Although professional wrestler RVD was dismantled by Kane, Shane O’ Mac was a tougher cookie, taking Kane closer to the limit each time they fought, because he’s such a hard bastard.

Here, he survives a hellacious beating, and fights back, hitting the Coast to Coast (I don’t think RVD was ever permitted to nail this during his feud with Kane) onto Kane through the ring-steps. At this point, he has the match won, but the referee is unconscious and can’t count Kane down. The announcers at one point ponder what would happen if both guys were counted down, as if it’s an unforeseen, freak possibility… It wasn’t- that had been done before guys. It’s called a draw.

Anyways, Shane continues to absorb crazy punishment, and yet fights back with admirable gusto, only losing when, yep, you guessed it, he leaps off the stage and misses his opponent. Counter-productive wrestling at its best. Why don’t they just go ahead and release a best of Shane? Watch as the boy wonder triumphs, not in results, but in terms of human spirit and defiance, time and time again…

Ambulance Match
Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Once more, this is accompanied by a superb highlight package, that disguises the silence that audiences sat in through many of the wild angles that prefaced this bout. Yeah sure, a burning dumpster looks wonderful in music-video form, as does Shane having his testicles fried. But in almost feature length sequences on Raw, these segments were drawn-out, ass-numbing capers that bored sensible folk to tears.

An ambulance match is basically the same as a Stretcher, Casket, Last Ride, etc…etc… match. Which means, you would expect it to suck? Except this one features mega-bump machine, Shane-O flying all over the place.

Anyways, I didn’t bother watching it, because I’m sick of Shane, to the point where I’m about to nibble off my toes, and throw them at the TV screen. From my vast memory banks though, I recall this being a pretty damn good effort though, if you can stomach The Incredibly Awesome, Super-Shane.

Till Death Do us Part Match
Matt Hardy vs. Kane

Poor ol’ Matt. Though wouldn’t it have been far worse, that if in real life, Lita ran off with Kane instead of Edge? How do you explain that to family members and at social gatherings? She just can’t get enough of the Big Red Nipple Machine? The storyline version of events was hammy, ludicrous fun though, even though Matt came off once more, looking like a bigger fool than Captain Planet. It was just too easy to get behind Kane, grinning as he muttered about his off-spring, and engaging in Black Weddings while we all gazed at Lita’s wonderful cleavage.

This Summerslam encounter is a short, but quality affair, contested with, erm, marriage to Lita on the line, though it is another match where the concern is to make Kane looks as powerful as possible against someone the fans are itching to see elevated.

No Disqualification Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Kane

As you would expect from ol’ HBK, this bout is of a really good standard, and is one of the best on the set. Fuelled by Kane’s decision to injure Shawn Michaels a couple of months prior, the match is heated and exciting with some really surprising moments. Good showing and Kane holds his end up well.

No Holds Barred
Snitsky vs. Kane

The highlight package is better than the actual match here, as Shitsky really did blow. Wasn’t this the main event of Raw? Jeebus. There have been few things in wrestling as profoundly strange as Snitsky wheeling an empty pram towards the squared circle, but I couldn’t get that image out of my head while watching this stiff, but awkward brawl. Best match of Snitsky’s dire career and worth a look if you don’t expect too much.

Steel Cage Match
Kane vs. Edge

It’s amazing how easily Kane has flip-flopped between heel and face roles, and probably this is a firm reason behind why he’s often been such an ineffectual star. Is there really a need for yet another Cage match on this three-disc set? JR says that “these are the type of matches that shorten careers”, but if that were the case, Kane would have been done years ago! The clear highlight is Matt Hardy’s surprise appearance at ringside in a “shoot” angle that if you remember, was great until the bookers ruined it. This is the best of the Cage bouts included on the release, and it’s helped immeasurably by Kane bleeding a gusher.

Stretcher Match
Edge vs. Kane

Oh great, a stretcher match…my favourite. Not at all like an ambulance match then. This is a pretty dull tussle, enlivened by Kane’s goofy expressions, and some tough looking bumps. The niftiest looking is Edge being choke-slammed off the apron through the stretcher. It’s all about the post-match angle though, and the Tombstone to Lita on the ramp.

Kane vs. Umaga

I miss Umaga these days, let’s get him back on our screens. This is a mess of a match, but it’s hugely entertaining. The two had fought to a draw on the previous PPV, so this was the rematch, but it goes to a DQ finish that fairly puts over Umaga as a hard-nut. But why bother including this? There really isn’t much to it and you’ll certainly not want to watch it more than once.

King Booker & Finlay vs. Kane & Undertaker

Again why? An average Smackdown bout, with four guys pretty much going through the motions. Boring. Next?

Kane vs. King Booker

The Book and Big Red did not work well together. Let’s face it. I remember when this angle started at The Royal Rumble, and we all collectively groaned at the screens when it became obvious their eliminations were going to lead to a match.

Michael Cole, despite struggling not to lose his voice, is at his most annoying during this. I almost fell asleep. Really dull.

Finlay vs. Kane

A Belfast Brawl. Super. That translates as “any other street-fight.” Calling something a “Belfast Brawl” and making out that it’s something unique or different is completely mind-boggling to me. Good performance though from both foes, with Finlay showing fire in particular. He’s on top form and it was clearly a big match for him.

Undertaker vs. Kane

I honestly don’t remember this bout ever existing, but it was definitely newsworthy, being their first collision in four years. Coach is on commentary, which is an automatic handicap. Despite that, this is a really good big-man match, with the two engaging in some actual wrestling holds for a period. Good to see them changing it up a bit. Unfortunately, its way too short, as Edge and his cronies, La Familia, interfere, and beat down the brothers, before getting their asses handed to them. Not an especially memorable way in which to end the programme.

Extras

- The Secret of The Undertaker: a compilation of background to Kane’s introduction into the WWE including: The interview from Raw, where Paul Bearer revealed the story of Undertaker/Kane, and their parents burning to death. Hammy, fun stuff even though it’s too long winded. Bearer doesn’t suit not sporting a moustache though… Another interview that’s even funnier “some of him is okay… but some of him… Is totally disfigured!”

- Also an interview with Taker, that sucks, and the debut of Kane at Badd Blood 1997.

- Kane vs. Pete Rose: a pointless bunch of clips of Kane’s comical beatings of Pete Rose.

Promos/Skits

- Includes a hilarious skit with Hulk Hogan and The Rock, where Kane completely outplays both of them, a lousy one you may remember called “Chicks dig the mask”, and one with RVD that’s a good idea but not well executed.

But the highlight is the hysterical wedding between Kane and Lita… which most fans will enjoy mainly for Trish’s amazingly slutty outfit, but it’s superb nonsense in its own right. Kane mouthing to himself, “this is the happiest day of my life” as he walks down the aisle is a golden moment.

Oh yeah, and we also get the lovely heart-warming interview with JR, where Kane warmed Ross’ cockles by setting him on fire. A low-point in federation history.

Matches

- We’re cursed with the rubbish Battle Royal from last year’s WrestleMania for the ECW title Number One contendership, and the subsequent match that lasted less time than it will take you to finish reading this sentence. Garbage.

Is that it? We could have done with more of Kane’s oddball segments and interviews. Where was the early stuff with Bearer? Mankind? Taker? Boo.

Add to basket?

Think about it. Think about it really hard. Do you really need 3 shiny discs of Kane action? Does anyone? There’s some pretty good stuff on the whole set, but there’s way too much brainless non-action.

Kane has had enough top-drawer matches against a variety of opponents to fill three discs, but they aren’t here. Instead “The Twisted, Disturbed Life of Kane” follows the pattern of Kane’s career – some bright spots, mostly average, repetitive stuff.

Over the past twelve years, he’s been involved in some really unique angles and storylines, but over the course of like, 9 hours, they only touch on a lot of that. Sure, to spot-light of all his history would unearth some irregularities and contradictions… But isn’t that the whole charm of Kane?

Kids will enjoy this, because of the hokiness of Kane, and the variety of opponents and stipulations, though with several matches being very violent, you may not wish for them to do so. More discerning viewers be warned. If you are over 14 years old, and not a fan of The Big Red Machine, avoid this release like the plague.

For those of you in the UK and Europe, you can pick up a copy of this release from the good folks over at Silver Vision by clicking here.

Thanks for taking the time to check this out. I welcome any and all feedback and I can be contacted at www.myspace.com/michaelwrestlingetc or simply by emailing me at Michael@ifight365.com. I look forward to hearing from you, and will be back soon!