The Big News: Usual go home show that just teased dissension between Kurt Angle and Sting. Didn’t do much to help a PPV that was DOA to begin with, but nowhere near as horrendous as last week’s show. Then again, neither was the last episode of Seinfeld.

The Main Event Mafia came out to start the show for an interview. Kevin Nash started bragging about how he did his best work in the wrestling business behind the curtain. Apparently, he wasn’t paying attention in 1999. I can’t believe the arrogance of this company. Last week, they present the worst Impact in history, and they open this week with Nash bragging about his backstage political abilities. What’s next, driving tips from Nick Nolte? Nash tried to redo his Ole Anderson tribute interview from last fall about plotting to get rid of Samoa Joe because of how he ran down Scott Hall a year ago. Nash said Joe was the only guy he’s wanted gone from a company that has managed to stick around. Nash said Joe was going to play the part of the bitch in his movie. Then Kurt Angle took the microphone and started talking with Sting about the four-way match with Brother Ray and Brother Dvon this Sunday. Angle said the TNA World Heavyweight Title would remain in the Main Event Mafia after Sunday, regardless of what he had to do.

Team 3-D did a backstage interview. For a group that’s underrated on promos, this was one of their worst in a long time. Not that it would have mattered much because it’s a new time in wrestling, but Ray could have at least delivered an intense promo on the go-home show, since this weekend’s PPV has less buzz than the last Affliction show. Instead, Ray started comparing Angle to various mafia figures and made jokes about how Angle should be fit with cement shoes. Then Ray vowed in tonight’s main event, he would keep Angle from tagging out to Sting tonight. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I mean, Sting is the champion and wouldn’t you want him softened up for this weekend instead?

The latest Rough Cut profile is on Kiyoshi (Akira Raijin from All Japan Pro Wrestling). It was very solid in delivering in background. Alex Shelley talked about how he arrived in Windsor, Ontario, Canada under his real name in the summer of 2007, and then traveled the world. Chris Sabin spokes of how he idolized the Great Muta. They even showed Keiji Muto talking on camera, and aired All Japan footage. Shelley compared Muta to the Rock, Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin. Sting, who did a program with Muta in 1989 WCW, put over how much Muta’s tutelage will make Kiyoshi something to take seriously.

Then it was back to the insanity. Black Machismo and Consequences Creed were upset how, while they were getting beaten down last week by the Main Event Mafia, that the Motor City Machine Guns were nowhere to be found. Well, Suicide was there, but we didn’t see him until the end of the show. And since Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe were supposed to be injured, yet were shown competing a week earlier in Europe, why wasn’t anybody mad at them? And where’s Rhino anyway? Part of the problem with Vince Russo booking gang vs. gang programs is the sides aren’t clearly laid out. Exactly who is in the Front Line now? How many members are there? This is what caused the New Blood idea to fail, because members were constantly turning on each other to the point they never gained traction. Anyway, Black Machismo had his usual 1990s gibberish, referencing the Rockers and Ted DiBiase and Virgil for some reason.

1. Eric Young and Black Machismo defeated The Motor City Machine Guns. It was supposed to be the guns vs. Consequences Creed and Black Machismo, but Beer Money ran out and jumped Creed and Machismo during their entrance, and the two brawled around the building. The guns just watched in the ring, while Mike Tenay and Don West tried to brand them as heels because they wouldn’t come to Lethal Consequences aid. Just as they said that, the crowd started chanting “Motor City.” I’d say the guns are the smartest guys in the company considering being a face is the quickest path to burial in TNA. Well, I guess in their case it’s too late. Jacqueline ran out and jumped Lethal from behind, while Robert Roode slammed a chair on Creed’s left elbow while the guns just watched nonchalantly in the ring. So Lethal wrestled by himself. At least they got the psychology right. Of course, it was the best match on the show. Machismo hit a tope on Shelley while Sabin missed an ensuing pescado. Shelley tried the sliced bread #2, but Machismo responded with an enzugiri. The guns fought back with a double superkick while Machismo was on his knees. At this point, Eric Young ran out to become Machismo’s partner. I guess he had the power to book his own replacement. But Jim Cornette didn’t have the power to book a match four weeks ago, even though he’s the commissioner. I give up. Machismo hit the lethal combination on Sabin to make the hot tag to Young, who hit a legdrop off the top on Sabin for a two count. The Guns hit the bulletpoint on Young. Finish saw Young ram Sabin into Shelley, who was standing on the top rope, and Young gave both Sabin and Shelley the death valley driver for the pin. ***

Postmatch, Shelley challenged Young to an X Division title match for this weekend at Against All Odds, which was accepted.

The Kongterogue was backstage with Jim Cornette, where he ordered Awesome Kong to meet ODB in a Knockouts title match with Raisha Saeed, Rhaka Khan and Sojournor Bolt barred from ringside. That meant we were spared another Khan vs. ODB duel, for which we should be eternally grateful. Saeed tried to interrupt, but Cornette shouted her down. Bolt got in Cornette’s face and seemed to be teasing a program. If this were 1994 Smokey Mountain, she’d be in the right place. Jeremy Borash started taking Cornette’s blood pressure when Booker T walked in with Sharmell. Booker wanted to be a referee tonight, but Cornette told him it was a crummy idea. Booker has dropped the foreign accents and seems to be talking like Tupac Shakur.

Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, outfitted in black outfits and black fingernail polish, cut a serious promo on Taylor Wilde and Roxxi. This was done to make the Beautiful People seem more violent to get their heat back.

2. Shane Sewell defeated Sheik Abdul Bashir by DQ. Sewell was back as a wrestler. So he started as a referee, got fired for beating up wrestlers, then got hired as a wrestler, then was brought back as a referee with no explanation as to why, and now is back as a wrestler with no explanation as to why. Makes sense to me. If that’s not enough, the crowd started chanting “USA.” Mind you, Sheik Abdul Bashir was born in Minnesota, and Sewell was born in Canada. Reminds me of the time fans at Starrcade 1995 started chanting “USA” to taunt Koji Kanemoto when he faced the German-born Alex Wright. Unlike the match between these two at Genesis, crowd was right behind Sewell since they see the product every other week. Well worked match where Bashir worked on Sewell’s back to set up his new finisher, the camel clutch. Sewell did a bulldog out of the corner for a two count. Sewell got a fisherman’s suplex for a near fall. There was a ref bump and both men clotheslined each other, which brought out Booker T with a referee’s shirt. Rudy Charles and Earl Hebner tried to stop him from going in the ring, but Booker just went out about his business anyway. Booker told Bashir to go to the top rope, but he missed a legdrop. Sewell then hit a crossbody and had him pinned, but Booker kicked Sewell in the head. The bell just sounded out of nowhere. Sewell and Booker wound up in the weekly pull apart brawl.

Sting did a backstage interview saying that if the TNA World Heavyweight Title wound up in someone else’s hands, it would be tarnished. When Borash asked him if that includes Angle, Sting just glared at him.

3. The Beautiful People defeated Taylor Wilde and Roxxi. Love and Sky skipped the fancy ring entrance, telling the story they wanted to brawl. They came out in matching black outfits like they were a female version of Public Enemy. They brawled around ringside to start. Didn’t we see that in the first match? Story of the match was Sky giving Roxxi a drop toe hold into the steps, meaning Wilde had to go at it alone. Love and Sky got most of the offense. Roxxi got the hot tag, but barely got rolling before Love cut her off. Sky pinned Roxxi after a bicycle kick/Russian leg sweep combination. *

Postmatch, Wilde took the bicycle kick/Russian leg sweep as well. Then they brought back the paper bag gimmick and placed them over Roxxi and Sky’s head. Then the Sarah Palin impersonator ran in and cleaned house to nil reaction.

Rough Cut: Kiyoshi continued by talking about how he could only go so far in Japan, so he came to America. Well, sure if it was 1995 All Japan, but now?

4. Brutus Magnus defeated Shark Boy. Magnus is a total heel, but didn’t really show very much in terms of heel charisma or in ring ability. Shark Boy has gotten in worse shape as he’s been off TV for months. Magnus pinned him with a move called Tormentum, which is a spinning Samoan drop. Not exactly a hot finisher in a division full of hot moves. Magnus, doing a Russell Crowe from “Gladiator” knockoff, issued an open challenge for Sunday’s PPV. *

In a backstage interview, Angle denied there was any dissension with the Main Event Mafia.

5 Matt Morgan defeated Rhino by DQ. You knew Morgan was going over from the start when West starting talking about how Rhino hasn’t recovered from his match at Genesis against Sting. Rhino is still over with the crowd. Morgan did a running legdrop on Rhino’s neck, then shouted something about a Doctor Youngblood, who performed surgery on Rhino’s neck years ago. Rhino made his comeback with a belly-to-belly suplex and a flying clothesline. Rhino went for the gore, but got caught with the carbon footprint. Morgan then picked up a chair, and teased giving him the Hellevator on it. But Abyss came out with two bags in his hands teasing thumbtacks. West talked about how great it was to see the old Abyss back. Unfortunately, from now on whenever I think of Abyss carrying bags, I get visions of barbed wire Christmas trees. Even more unfortunately, the crowd wasn’t as enthusiastic to see Abyss because this was a cold run-in. Abyss gave him a black hole slam, then took a bag and poured out thumb tacks, which got a big pop. He teased choke slamming Morgan onto the tacks, but Morgan ran out. *1/4

Abyss then did an in-ring interview saying his real best friend isn’t named Chris, it’s named Abyss. It was easily the best interview that Abyss has ever done, almost to the point where I wanted to see the match on PPV. Almost. He said he’s endured a lot, including abusive fathers and shock therapy. Not to mention shitty storylines. Abyss then started punching his fist into the thumbtacks where they got caught in his knuckles. Abyss said he was going to prove the old saying “you always hurt the ones you care for most” true this weekend. Lauren the interview girl ran out to check on him, urging him to go to the doctor.

Mick Foley was at his desk backstage. Point to the segment was Foley announcing Jeff Jarrett would return to Impact next week.

6. Team 3-D defeated Kurt Angle and Sting by DQ. Sting still wrestled in a grey t-shirt. Story of the match was no matter how much Angle was getting worked over, he refused to tag Sting. Twice, Sting offered to tag in, and both times Angle flipped him off. Sting and Angle started arguing, and Scott Steiner ran out to break it up. After a commercial, Steiner interfered after tripping Dvon, which prompted Earl Hebner to order him away from ringside. Ray got the hot tag and hit the move formerly known as the Bubba Bomb for a two count. Angle hit a German suplex, and even though he had worked the entire match, still refused to tag Sting. Angle went for the ankle lock, but Ray reversed out and it ended up with Team 3-D hitting a doomsday device. Booker T ran in for the DQ. Steiner, Booker and Angle jumped Ray and Dvon, but Sting refused to participate. 3-D made their own comeback, and Angle was furious at Sting for just watching. It ended with the mafia members pulling Angle and Sting away from each other. *

SUMMARY: Much less nonsense than last week. Then again, so was about 99% of wrestling shows in history. But it did little to encourage PPV buys for this weekend. Granted, it was a tough sell to begin with. Now the question is who will be the top faces for the next PPVs, because this company has buried almost all of them. Except for Jarrett, of course. If you haven’t listened to Wednesday’s Wrestling Observer Radio, go out of your way to check it out. One writer asked Brian and Dave why doesn’t TNA go to a PPV model where they do less shows per year. With the depth of the company already low, buy rates stagnant and creative’s inability to develop new stars, it’s seems to make a lot of sense on the surface.

Jeff Hamlin
jhamlin@wchl1360.com