SmackDown this week starts with an 8-man parejas incredibles match (that’s heels and faces teaming together) to preview the Money In The Bank ladder match. It was CM Punk, Mark Henry, Kofi Kingston & MVP v. Christian, Shelton Benhamin, Finlay & Kane. For a match usually built as being a stuntshow of cool spots, there was only one cool spot in this match, and it was one that could be done at any time, that being the finish, as Punk went for his springboard clothesline, but Kane countered by grabbing Punk by his throat and chokeslamming him.

After the match, everyone got in a giant brawl, and it led to Christian introducing a ladder (FINALLY, after all these weeks of facing each other and before that going through qualifying matches, they’ve remembered what the PPV match is), and climbing it, but Finlay shoved the ladder and Christian took a bump from mid-ring to the floor, where unlike at Mania everyone else was there to catch him. With everyone laid out, Finlay and Hornswoggle climbed the ladder. Using the “go over on TV, job on PPV” rule, Finlay therefore isn’t winning at Mania, and nor should he.

Up next was Jesse and Festus losing a handicap match to The Big Show. This did an excellent job of getting Show over as an unstoppable monster, and a vicious one at that. He knocked out both guys with the knockout punch, but in the case of Jesse it was after already chokeslamming him and picking his prone body off the mat. Just a vicious finish that made Show look great.

Matt Hardy is backstage with his dog, and although I get that Jeff’s dog died in a fire which the WWE may or may not be blaming Matt for, but having him go between acting all evil then all loved up with his pet is just wrong if you want to get people to hate the guy come Mania.

Rey Mysterio beat Chavo Guerrero in a match that I was dreading when it started, but that I ended up thinking was pretty damn good for a five minute TV match. Of course, they’ve wrestled each other so often they could probably do this match in their sleep, but the timing was great, Rey managed to put him in 619 position twice (once avoided, once hit) with his regular offense and it didn’t look contrived at all. Rey ended up winning with the big splash. I think this match should have been advertised more, plastered all over wwe.com and t least plugged on RAW this Monday, given how the Hispanic audience on SmackDown has so greatly diminished since Rey was drafted to RAW.

John Cena then came out and rallied the crowd with his usual tubthumping promo putting over WrestleMania as this can’t miss epic event that can change the world. For as bad as the stuff he’s scripted to say is when doing comedy, Cena is untouchable at making his matches and the WWE PPVs in general seem like something you just HAVE to see, and in the end, isn’t that the point of a promo? Big Show came out to challenge Cena to a match at RAW on Monday (why not tonight, this is a very talk-heavy edition of SmackDown and could’ve used a long match in there somewhere). Cena accepted of course, then as Show was climbing over the ropes to leave the ring, Cena grabbed his foot and shoved him down. Show’s overacting, mouth agape reaction at this was hilarious.

Next came Matt Hardy beating R-Truth, with Hardy winning clean with the Twist Of Fate. There wasn’t much to this match really.

Then The Colons and Brie Bella beat Miz, Morrison and Nikki Bella in a short 3-minute match when Carlito pinned Morrison clean (yeah, you read that right) with the back stabber. Not the finish I’d have booked, and giving them such a short time here was a bad move, but they established the infighting amongst the women, and the fact that the two sets of tag champs are fairly evenly matched in previous weeks so this was really just to get their faces on TV and have JR and Tazz plug the WrestleMania unification match.

Jeff Hardy cut a promo which either didn’t make the air on the UK version or I missed it somehow because I don’t remember it at all.

Michelle McCool v. Maryse for the Women’s Title was completely terrible, but in a hilarious can’t take my eyes off it car crash kind of way. I love how Maryse is like the worst wrestler in the world, and thinks nothing of making everyone else look shit, but so clearly doesn’t give a fuck, and she should keep getting pushed for exactly that. She’d get so over as a heel doing that stuff along with her natural arrogance if there was a natural babyface to play off.

Luckily, the match ended with the debut of the biggest ratings draw in the history of TNA, Gail Kim. She took down McCool with a top rope dropkick, and Maryse with a neckbreaker, while JR and Tazz talked about what a great IMPACT she was making.

Then it was main event segment time, as white smoke filled the ring and the Klu Klux Klan made their way to ringside. Is the main even R-Truth coming back out to be tied to a cross and burned alive? Actually no, they’re white druids and they’re here for Shawn Michaels, dressed in a white version of Undertaker’s trenchcoat, hat and gloves, and walking slowly to the ring. He even does Taker’s “raise your hands to make the lights come back on” thing, and does Taker’s trademark hat removal, but instead of raising his head and looking evil, he gets a huge arrogant heelish smile on his face. This was awesome. He then cuts a promo, quoting several bible verses and talking about how while Taker embraces darkness, Shawn is the showstopper, the icon, and Mr WrestleMania and he thrives being in the spotlight, and will end the streak at Mania.

As he goes to leave, smoke fills the ring again and Taker comes out from under the ring. He grabs at Shawn and Shawn scrambles to get away, eventually running up the ramp, as Taker is pissed off that Shawn has one-upped him again.

Well, that final segment was one big bag of greatness. HBK is amazing when he remembers that he’s the same guy who was the cocky arrogant 1990s main eventer, and if on one of the TV’s next week he pulls out the old “lays down for absolutely nobody” line I’ll be marking out bigtime. Great segment, and even though HBK is a babyface legend, they’ve done a tremendous job of building the first moment that Taker gets his hands on Shawn and delivers a beating, which should hopefully be in their actual match at Mania, and the people will go nuts for it. I can’t wait.

Mark Bright
mark@ifight365.com