This week’s show kicks off with an awesome video package on WrestleMania, before Jim Ross and Todd Grisham hype Edge’s appearance on The Cutting Edge later tonight. I’m sceptical about Ross and Grisham as an announce team, but if it means we get Matt Striker and Josh Matthews on ECW I’m all for it. And working with Ross could make Grisham all the better. That’s assuming things aren’t shook up in the draft, because I don’t want to come to reviewing the show in future and having to listen two hours of a Todd Grisham and Michael Cole announce team.

Matt Hardy comes out to cut a promo. He talks about WrestleMania moments and says that the greatest WrestleMania moment in history was him beating his brother, and how Jeff was an extreme letdown to all his fans. Matt goes on to say that just beating Jeff wasn’t enough for him, he instead wants him out of the WWE completely. The line about being a disappointment to his fans was great, and I really like that even in victory, Matt still comes across like a bitter whiny fuckball. It’s also classically heelish how he’s calling Jeff out and telling him to be a man, but as soon as Jeff’s music hit, Matt acted scared shitless.

After a staredown, Jeff runs in the ring but Matt escapes. Then Teddy Long comes out to announce he’s back in charge. Seriously?!?! That’s the fucking announcement that he’s the SmackDown GM? Matt dropped a line in his promo about how he’d only be happy if Jeff leaves the WWE on a stretcher, so Long makes a stretcher match for tonight’s main event.

Some woman interviews Kofi Kingston. It’s the week before the fucking draft and Kofi is making his first appearance on SmackDown today?! How can the people writing this show be so stupid? Kofi talks about his dream coming true by being involved in the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania. He totally blew off losing like it didn’t even matter, before saying he can shock the world by beating Big Show tonight.

Kofi Kingston v. The Big Show is the opening match of the night, and during the opening match staredown Kofi does a headstand. I’m not sure what that was about. Kofi doesn’t shock the world; he gets knocked out in about 3 minutes. Show really looked hurt, I mean he moved sluggishly, like he was carrying far too much weight, and he really needs some time off to get back into the shape he was in around the time of the Floyd Mayweather match. Kofi does some cool spots to showcase his athleticism, but is met coming off the top rope with the knockout punch. Waste of the draft, waste of Kofi to lose so quickly after such an impressive WrestleMania performance (I mean isn’t jobbing to people so they can look impressive and do cool shit why people like Jamie Noble and Chavo Guerrero are on the roster? Stick Kofi in there with one of them and have him do some cool shit) and waste of my time watching it.

Up next is a replay from the Santina v. Beth match from RAW. Now back to SmackDown as her twin brother Santino comes to the ring, and puts over the other divas for being jealous of his sister becoming Miss WrestleMania. Yes, it’s another RAW wrestler appearing on SmackDown. He made an open “invichallenge” to any SmackDown wrestler, to turn his face into a piece of cappachio, but it’s answered by The Great Khali. Khali, translated by Ranjin Singh, says he’ll drop the match if Santina will be the next guest on the Khali Kiss Kam~! I don’t care that it’s a ridiculous angle, I laughed. Santino says his sister is not a lady of the night, she didn’t graduate from the University of Texas, and she wouldn’t be interested, so a referee is brought out and Khali hits the Tree Slam for the win. Fun little comedy angle that fills time on a show, but again RAW guy is on SmackDown three days before the draft.

As Gail Kim comes out for the next match, against Michelle McCool, Jim Ross made a 12 Rounds reference so I’m guessing the US version will have a trailer for John Cena’s new movie inserted at this point. Kim and McCool had a decent, or by the standards of WWE women’s matches on SmackDown really good, match, ending when Kim missed a top rope leg drop but countered McCool’s pin cover with a rollup. Gail is clearly the best worker on SmackDown and McCool is athletic enough to stay with her up to a point, but Gail really needs to be against a Beth or Natalya if she’s staying babyface, if WWE want similar results from their women’s division than TNA had.

Next came The Cutting Edge, with Edge interviewing the new World Heavyweight Champion, his opponent at Backlash, and again RAW wrestler appearing on SmackDown three days before the draft, John Cena. This segment is proof that the old time fans who think today’s wrestlers don’t know how to cut promos are dead wrong, you just need two guys who are good at it, a strong storyline and believable characters. This was MONEY.

Edge starts by talking about how WrestleMania 25 was supposed to be his big moment, the crowning achievement of his career. He then introduces Cena, who rubs the defeat in Edge’s face by doing his “the champ is here!” pose, before Edge goes on to talk about how Cena stole the World Title, and therefore ruined his life because having that belt is the very thing he lives for. Cena cuts him off by running through all that they’ve been through in their three year feud, from TLC, to Elimination Chamber, to cashing in Money in the Bank, to Cena throwing Edge in the river. Edge points out that he hates Cena, his hat, his t-shirt, his shoes, his wrist bands, his music, his fans and everything about him! Edge goes on to say that this rivalry has shortened their careers, and Backlash is the final chapter. Cena calls bullshit, saying Edge might be smarter, but Cena is tougher than him, and that’s the real reason Edge hates him, and why he’ll be the last man standing. Cena then gets fired up and dares Edge to hit him in the face right now, and see what happens, and after an intense staredown Edge backs down.

THIS is what they should’ve done for the WrestleMania build. They totally had me believe that it’s the end, the final chapter of an epic three year rivalry, and I can’t fucking wait for Backlash now. Can’t believe Backlash got this GREAT story and Mania got a lame love triangle with Cena as the extra man. Still, brilliant performances from both guys here.

Up next is Unified Tag Team Champions The Colons in a non-title match against RAW’s Priceless. This has to be a fucking rib. Good match, as the WWE have a number of old school wrestlers working backstage now as agents, particularly tag team experts including Dean Malenko, Arn Anderson and Ricky Steamboat, so you’d pretty much only have to listen to those guys and follow instructions for a good basic tag match, but I fear that certain guys will only do that, thus limiting the quality of their matches, where teams like Miz and Morrison, and Evan Bourne and Rey Mysterio can do all that but add a modern flair to what they do to keep things interesting. The closest thing to that here was the spot they used to get the heat, as Primo dove to the outside only to be met by Dibiase countering with a gut buster. The heels cheat to win, Dibiase yanking Carlito’s arm into the ropes and Rhodes hitting a twisting neckbreaker for the pin.

After the match, Randy Orton comes in, joining his Legacy partners to cut a promo. When he runs down the Backlash six-man, the crowd pops like mad for Batista, so Orton reminds them that it was he who put Batista out in the first place with a kick to the head. He then says that while Legacy is a well oiled unit, their opponents are unstable egomaniacs who can’t work as a team, so Orton will be the WWE Champion. Decent promo, but pales in comparison to the Edge/Cena segment earlier, mainly because they could interact with each other. This segment needed Batista or preferably Triple H to interrupt to put it over the top.

Todd Grisham then is in the aisle explaining the rules of the stretcher match. That being, put your opponent on a stretcher and run it past the finish line. OK that’s a little hokey, especially for such a personal feud as Matt v. Jeff, but the match itself can be really dramatic when done right, such as Batista and Shawn Michaels’ excellent encounter at One Night Stand last year, or Brock Lesnar and The Big Show’s incredibly fun match back at Judgement Day 2003.

Ordinarily, Matt and Jeff really don’t lend themselves to the stretcher match gimmick, as they are more about doing cool shit to make people go crazy than they are about beating the hell out of each other. And when they try to have a feud like that, it’s not what people really want to see. So the Hardyz get around this by using the stretcher match gimmick to do cool shit, although two days after nearly killing himself with the leapfrog leg drop, using a stretcher as a skateboard to roll down the ramp then take Matt down with a flying clothesline was risky as hell. It’s also a huge part of what makes Jeff such a unique talent, as literally nobody else in WWE would do that spot, and that’s a huge part of why people love Jeff so much.

I mark out for Matt clearly having been watching his Jimmy Jacobs tapes as he locks in the End Time to try to make Jeff pass out long enough to roll him past the finish line, but no dice. I actively gasped for a spot where Jeff was laying on the ground and Matt tried to roll the stretcher into his head but Jeff moved at the last possible moment. They also did the teeter totter spot that carved open Joey Mercury’s face when it was done in a ladder match a few years back. The finish is very dramatic as Jeff sets up Matt for a swanton, but Matt moves and Jeff crashes into the stretcher. Matt tries to wheel him over the line, but Jeff isn’t out, so Matt gives him a chair shot and wheels Jeff over the line to win.

Sooner or later Jeff is going to have to get some revenge, because before this feud started he was the WWE Champion and with each week, and the impact is doubled with losses in matches, he is losing ground to where he was before, and you’d hope that’s not what the WWE were wanting or expecting from this feud. A good match, but just like Mania would’ve been better with more time, and definitely is one they could have saved for Backlash or even later.

Mark Bright
mark@ifight365.com