The Big News: Only real note was Tara winning the TNA Knockouts title, which got a big pop. Mick Foley tried to do a heavy juice angle like it was 1985 UWF in Monroe, Louisiana, in a show-ending angle that featured barbed wire and a barbed-wire baseball bat.

Mick Foley started the show wearing a bandage over his right nostril from Jeff Jarrett’s guitar shot last week. He announced TNA’s front office wasn’t big enough for he and Jarrett, and proposed one of them step down from their decision-making capacity. Jarrett came out, forgetting to sell the ankle that Kurt Angle held onto for two full minutes last week. The two tried to make amends after teasing a program for weeks. Jarrett gave a rah-rah speech to Foley about how he’ll always be a champion regardless of what happens in the future, and said the two can build TNA for the future if they work together. Foley admitted he had made some dumb decisions in the past, like saying he was only going to defend the TNA Heavyweight title once a year, breaking into Jarrett’s locker room last week after getting hit with the guitar, having Samoa Joe job to Tomko two years ago. Okay, he didn’t say that last one. Foley said he still wanted to prove to himself that he could win the world championship over the best wrestler in the world. Foley then proposed having Kurt Angle face Jarrett tonight in a non-title match. Jarrett agreed, but decided to add Foley in the match and make it a three-way. Foley accepted, but proposed a special referee. Jarrett agreed to that and said the ref couldn’t be anyone from the Main Event Mafia and it couldn’t be Matt Morgan. Of course, the patched up relationship blew up in the main event.

Lauren was backstage after being taken hostage by Dr. Stevie. She wasn’t selling anything either. Nor was there any explanation what happened to set Lauren free. Stick with me here. Doug Williams has issued an open challenge for Homicide’s Feast or Fired X-Division title shot briefcase. If Williams stole it, wouldn’t it make sense to just keep it since it’s not his to begin with? Anyway, Williams will face a mystery opponent in a latter match for the briefcase tonight. Brutus Magnus did about as unconvincing interview as will ever be heard. It sounded like he was reading right off a script. Magnus has improved in the ring, but as far as being convincing on interviews, the gap between him and Frank Mir is a mile wide.

1. Homicide defeated Doug Williams to regain the Feast or Fired X-Division briefcase in 2:07. So just Wednesday night, I was listening to the latest Lance Storm show on Figure Four Daily, and he told the story of a Russo-produced Nitro show in 2000 that was so overbooked, Booker T got the go-home signal for his ambulance match against Mike Awesome before his ring entrance. Fast forward nine years later, and the blow-off to this LAX-British Invasion program is a two-minute latter match. Nothing like learning from past failures. Williams urged the challenger to not be a redneck wanna-be. Even though it was the Invasion who took his partner out of action, Homicide’s return wasn’t played up as anything big. Williams’ didn’t even do exaggerated facials when the LAX music started. Homicide was out due to the death of his father. Williams tried to climb the latter after throwing Homicide into it, but Homicide recovered and tipped the latter over. Williams landed on Magnus and Rob Terry outside the ring. As Homicide climbed the latter, Team 3-D ran out and jumped the Invasion, leading to Homicide getting the briefcase. Kiyoshi and Sheik Abdul Bashir jumped 3-D, ending with Brother Ray taking a spinebuster from Terry as the Invasion posed to end the segment. ½*

Mike Tenay did an interview with Suicide which featured Tenay reading back lyrics to Suicide’s theme song. Apparently, Suicide wrote them himself. Among the great unrecorded pieces of wrestling footage, we must now include Suicide writing a song about himself. They’re trying to get Suicide over as a comic book hero character that reaches the teen audience, many of whom don’t watch wrestling anymore.

Sting came out with Angle’s TNA Heavyweight title belt, challenging Angle to come get it. He then called out Samoa Joe. Sting confronted him and said he was everything that was wrong with pro wrestling nowadays. He got in Joe’s face and challenged him to take a swing at him. Joe said he had been instructed to keep his temper, but Sting’s time will come. Sting demanded to know who Joe’s adviser was, but Joe said he would find out only at Victory Road. Sting vowed to bring his adviser to the ring tonight and expose him. Segment could have been more tense, but Sting was again excellent on the mic.

Jenna Morasca was backstage bragging about all the money she made off Survivor, and invested it and made even more. So she purchased a trainer. Just then, Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed walked up. So they’re heels again, which is just as well as they’re better off that way.

2. Beer Money defeated the Motor City Machine Guns in 4:03. Booker T and Scott Steiner were at ringside on commentary. Booker was back doing his Don West impression from the February debacle of a show where the Main Event Mafia took over. It was funnier back then. West is a heel now and really shouldn’t be parodied by another heel. Tenay looked like he was getting a kick out of it. Alex Shelley did a running knee on James Storm off the apron. Chris Sabin and Shelley did a sandwich clothesline on Storm. Later, the guns tried it again, but Robert Roode ran in and pushed Storm out of the way. In a unique spot, Roode then gave his own partner a hip toss toward their own corner so he could make the hot tag. Roode did an Anderson spinebuster on Shelley. Sabin did a springboard dropkick on Roode into a downward spiral by Shelley for near fall. Storm did a superkick on Sabin, and a back stabber on Shelley, leading to the DWI for the pin. Beer Money had a staredown with Booker and Steiner. *3/4

Backstage, Velvet Sky got pissed at Angelina Love for deserting her last week while the tarantula was crawling on her belly. Velvet ordered Angelina not to leave her alone tonight or else the two were done. Angelina said she knew the tarantula crawled up Velvet’s butt last week, but she didn’t know it died up there. That’s the first time the Beautiful People has teased dissension in 18 months together, and I hope that’s the last of it because if they split up, it would be the end of one of the most entertaining acts remaining in wrestling.

Sarita debuts next week.

3. Tara defeated Velvet Sky in 2:32. The cameraman was reaching for Velvet during this week’s butt cam, leading to Don West shouting him down. Usually, that’s the tease for a new character. Velvet’s offense consisted of a lot of kicks. Tara made the comeback with a simple body slam and got the pin with the Widow’s Peak. ¼*

Postmatch, Tara teased putting the tarantula on Velvet. Angelina grabbed the house mic and begged Tara not to put the spider on her friend’s belly, then challenged her to a match. Tara agreed, but only if the Knockouts title was on the line. Love looked hesistant to agreed to it, but Madison Rayne begged her to. Finally, Love agreed. In her heel makeover, Madison looks like a smaller version of Terri Runnels.

4. Tara defeated Angelina Love in 4:18 to win the TNA Knockout’s title. Tara got a series of near falls to open. Later, Rayne interfered, leading to referee Rudy Charles throwing both her and Sky away from ringside. Love rammed Tara’s back into the railing outside the ring, and it appeared Tara’s bad leg got caught under the bar. Love hit the scissor kick, which West called a botox injection. Love missed a charge in the corner. Following a set of clotheslines, Tara caught the black widow for a near fall, then hit the widow’s peak for the pin. Tara played winning the title up huge, bursting into tears amidst a standing ovation. **

Tara came to the back where Lauren was waiting for her in a celebratory interview. In a clear slam against her former employer, Tara said she had given up the thought of ever being happy again in wrestling. Her tarantula is named Poison.

This week’s horrid skit with Abyss and Dr. Stevie started with Abyss barging into Stevie’s makeshift office that looked like it was backstage at the Impact Zone with a couple of walls held up by a thread. Abyss barged into Stevie’s office and started to go after him when he just froze, like he had suffered a seizure. Or was Festus when the bell sounded to end a match. It was revealed Stevie had dumped some type of drug in his water, causing Abyss to black out. It was never acknowledged that Abyss has sipped any water beforehand. We never even got a pretape of it. Stevie unloaded on Abyss, smashing a glass of water over his head. Abyss has gained some followers from his interview style, but I just can’t wait for this program to end.

5. A.J. Styles and Daniels defeated Kevin Nash and Matt Morgan in 6:31. Styles and Daniels played undersized tag team and did as good as job as possible considering their opponents’ limitations on offense. And selling. And timing. And, well, you get the picture. Styles and Daniels did a version of total elimination on Daniels. Then the heels went on offense, and it slowed considerably. Daniels kicked out of a reverse chokeslam by Morgan where he was thrown into a corner. Nash and Morgan collided, leading to Daniels tagging Styles. Styles threw everything at Daniels trying to knock him down, including the springboard forearm. He finally got the knockdown with a Pele kick. And Nash was kicked to the floor by Styles, Daniels came in with the best moonsault ever, and Styles jumped ¾ of the way across the ring with a frog splash for the pin. Yes, it’s 2009 and Morgan did the job while the 50-year-old Nash watched. **

Postmatch, Nash jumped Styles and Morgan flattened Daniels. It led to Morgan putting a chair around Daniel’s leg, and he Pillmanized it with a legdrop. Styles came back with a chair for the save. It was mentioned during the main event that Styles took Daniels to the hospital.

Lauren was in the garage area, where Sting went after someone behind the wheel of a car, presumably Taz. Joe ran up from behind a choked Sting out with what looked like a knife stick or a blade. One of those flash angles that comes and goes so quickly, nothing gets established. Sting vs. Joe at Victory Road. Remember when Sting came to the company and it appeared that would be something they would build toward to pass the torch to Joe leading to the future. Now, it’s a midcard match at a PPV that’s not even among the top three on the company’s calendar.

Eric Young was revealed as Angle’s choice for the special referee in the main event.

6. Kurt Angle defeated Mick Foley in a three-way match that included Jeff Jarrett in 6:34. Jarrett and Foley started the match working together. Later, Jarrett started arguing with Young, while Foley came off the ropes to punch Angle, who moved and Foley hit Jarrett instead. Foley clotheslined Angle to the floor and threw him into the barricade. Then Jarrett recovered and gave Foley the stroke into the ring steps, so they didn’t even bother asking if Foley’s punch to Jarrett was an accident. It should be mentioned this was the only match on the show with a commercial. Steiner laid out Foley with a lead pipe shot on the floor. After the break, Angle gave Jarrett a vertical suplex, followed by an overhead belly-to-belly suplex for a near fall. Young played the referee role straight until the end. Finally, Jarrett hit the stroke on Angle and had him pinned, but Young refused to count three. Foley recovered from taking the stroke and came back in the ring to tease the mandible claw on Jarrett. Instead, Foley got the sleeper hold, but Jarrett broke it up with a jawbreaker. It led to Jarrett putting Angle in the figure four leglock, but Young held Angle’s arms in order to keep him from tapping. Foley broke it up with an elbow. Jarrett then chased Young out of the ring with his guitar. Foley then took the Olympic slam from Angle, but Jarrett broke it up. It ended with Angle putting Foley in the ankle lock, and even though Foley could clearly be heard saying “No, no, no,” Young acted he tapped and ordered the bell for the Survivor Series finish. To copy Dave’s old joke, it’s part 1,222 in a 2,000 part series of 1997 Montreal. *1/2

I was thinking Young should run for his life to preserve his heat at this point. Instead, Jarrett immediately started beating him up as they fought to the back. In the ring, Foley teased the mandible claw on Angle, but Steiner jumped Foley. The entire Mafia came out with barbed wire, including Booker T hitting Foley with the barbed wire bat he picked up from Kawasaki Stadium from the IWA Death Match show. Well, it’s not like that’s the only reference to 1995 in this review. The heels literally wrapped Foley from head to toe in barbed wire. Sally Boy and Rocco tried to make the save, only to get laid out like the jobbers they are. Foley was bleeding from the arm and face to end the show.

SUMMARY: Not much to the show. Ordinarily, the latter angle would get some heat, but it’s grown old hat by now. Wrestling wasn’t anything special, but at least Tara’s title win was treated with some importance.

Jeff Hamlin
jhamlin@wchl1360.com