The Big News: It was a rare show that featured two matches go beyond seven minutes, ending with Kurt Angle retaining the TNA World Heavyweight title by making Jeff Jarrett pass out from the pain with an ankle lock to win a tag team match in the main event. Overall, it was a very entertaining show.

The Main Event Mafia came out, where Kurt Angle alluded to Sting sitting at home licking his wounds. That’s carny for Sting is showing up by the end of the show. Angle gave him the old line about kicking him out of the mafia was nothing personal, just business. Angle then called Mick Foley, who were accompanied by Rocco and Sally Boy. Angle was upset that Foley went back on his word about Scott Steiner and Booker T getting the next tag team title shot against Beer Money. Instead, Foley ordered a number one contender match with Team 3-D facing Booker and Steiner. Foley admitted it was an error but said he was still stressed out about losing the title. At least he handled losing his title better than Rampage. Angle said Foley would have to pay for going back on his word. That’s when Sally and Rocco stepped up, but they’ve been reduced to Ralphus-style comedy. Even Foley admitted they couldn’t stand up to the mafia, and seconds later they proved it when Steiner laid them both out with lead pipe shots. Foley offered Angle a chance to make a deal, leading to a Monty Hall reference. That was the 1970s. So was the Rocky reference he mentioned earlier in the segment. Where’s Lee Marshall when you need him? It ended with Foley going after Angle, but he was quickly overwhelmed by Samoa Joe, Booker, Steiner and Kevin Nash. Somehow in the midst of the beatdown, Joe got a hardway cut over his left eye. Then Jeff Jarrett ran out with a guitar, and even though he was outnumbered 5-on-1, the entire mafia bailed. Reminded me of when Triple H decked five security guards with one forearm blow while they were all holding Jeff Hardy back on a Smackdown episode last year. Ever get the feeling the entire American wrestling scene is being run on the egos of two men? Then again, it is Dana White who has his face on the cover of the inaugural edition of his own magazine. But can’t he afford to with the business he’s doing? Exactly why Jarrett would make the save for Foley when the two have been feuding didn’t make sense at first, but then Jarrett made up for it by slamming the guitar over Foley’s head. The mafia watched from the ramp and laughed, and Don West teased that Jarrett may be joining the mafia. This appeared to be several edits to this segment, and Jarrett had hardway blood on his forehead, as well. Good segment.

After a commercial, Foley was shown being held back from going after Jarrett in his locker room. Foley’s mysterious recent hire Davis, who looks like George Carlin, was in there breaking it up. Mike Tenay later revealed his name was Mike Davis. I’m not sure if that the old Mid-Atlantic jobber who teamed with Tommy Lane in the old Rock n’ Roll RPMs, but at the very least he was old enough. This was Foley’s last appearance on the show.

Mike Tenay did a sit-down interview with Nash. This was one of those weird Nash interviews where he comes off as a huge face just a week after establishing himself as a prime heel against Sting. Nash explained why money was so important to him. He claimed in 1995 when he was WWF World Champion, he worked 310 dates and barely made over a million. When he and Scott Hall were offered seven figures by Eric Bischoff to jump to WCW a year later to work half the dates, he said it was a no-brainer decision. As I recall from that time from reading Dave, I thought Nash’s initial downside was slightly less than a million, but he may have received a raise since WCW was back to doing full-time house shows by the spring of 1996. Nash smoothly tied in making money with his Legends title shot against A.J. Styles at Victory Road, saying when he goes to autograph shows, every kid wants to pose with the title, so the belt is worth more money. Man, Nash had the guts to consider the championship a belt. There goes his smooth sailing with Vince.

Abyss was kicking stuff around backstage because Dr. Stevie used a taser on him last week. Lauren was trying to calm him down. Abyss picked up Lauren like he was going to turn heel on her, but then sat her on the table and proceeded to have the worst love dialogue since Mariah Carey in “Glitter.” Abyss said “I don’t ask you to stop being a woman, so don’t ask me to stop being a monster.” Christ, we’ve had two Rocky references before our first match this week. Abyss vowed to get Stevie and come back to Lauren afterwards, no doubt with another heel turn waiting when he does. This turned into a series of segments throughout the night.

Twenty minutes into the show, we got our first match.

Amazing Red defeated Cody Deaner in 4:27. Mostly comedy, but entertaining as Deaner and ODB compliment each other very well. Funniest part was Deaner throwing punches at the end of his ring entrance and using ODB’s breasts as speed bags. Later, Tenay and West started making jokes about how ODB uses her breasts to make signals like a 3rd base coach in baseball. They totally broke character and were cracking each other up. Red used a dropkick and a version of the Chappariti Asari sky twister press into a pescado early. Deaner cut Red for a flip with a clothesline. Red came back with a drop kick and a spin kick, then went to the top rope, but Deaner crotched him. Deaner took longer than Michael Jackson’s father speech at the BET Awards to get to the top rope. Like Michael Jackson’s father, it rang hollow. Red then got the pin with a red eye, which is basically a flying downward spiral and one hell of a finisher. **1/2

Abyss was still destroying stuff backstage. Security tried to calm him down. One of the guards got a speaking role, which was probably either Mikal Judas or Phil Shatter, two indy guys who recently signed. That person was never identified. Then Davis walked in and totally overacted saying Abyss wouldn’t do this in his house. They had a staredown to end the segment.

Jeremy Borash was about to talk to Jarrett in his locker room, but the entire mafia walked in applauding Jarrett for what happened earlier. Angle handed his title belt to Joe, who noticeably grimaced during the exchange. Since he just turned heel, they’ve never mentioned Joe’s injury. Angle sat down and offered Jarrett a spot in the mafia, saying together they could rule the business for the next ten years. Well, Jarrett has to resign Angle before October, but that’s another story. Jarrett appeared to give it serious thought, then told Angle “screw you.” He gave Angle the usual speech about how he turned the company over to Angle in 2007, but burned everybody along the way. Jarrett then announced a match for later tonight. I guess he has his old matchmaking powers back. It would be Angle and Joe against Jarrett and Styles, and if Angle got pinned, then the man who scored the fall would claim the TNA Heavyweight title.

Lauren asked Jenna Morasca about her match against Sharmell at Victory Road. Jenna said she would fight Sharmell because all she could do was wave her finger in her face. Total nothing interview because Jenna has zero inflection in her voice and is totally colorless as a character. Then, in her first appearance in weeks, Sojourner Bolt walked in and did the best interview of her career, though somewhat baffling. She said Sharmell had been her friend for quite sometime. That was the first time any association between Bolt and Sharmell has been made. Bolt then called her a “pale, anorexic pancake-assed white girl” and told her it’s not whether she could dig it, it’s whether she can survive it. Too bad this was the seventh (!) interview segment in the first hour, because Bolt would have made her career if this was in front of a live crowd in the 1990s. Maybe Jenna can ask Kip James about what it was like to be on the receiving end of that Rock “God” promo in 1999.

Angle then cut a promo on Jarrett from the mafia dressing room saying Jarrett had signed his own death certificate by forcing tonight’s tag match. Booker then ordered Sharmell to go find Matt Morgan, but she wasn’t happy about being treated like a runner.

2. Eric Young defeated Rhino in 3:42. The story of the match was Jesse Neal, played up as a total dunce learning under Rhino’s tutelage, was stationed at ringside. Rhino got the early offense. Young reversed an Irish Whip into the turnbuckles. Later, when Young choked Rhino against the ropes, he started arguing with Neal. So Young simply decked Neal with one punch and rammed him into the barricade. Nothing like looking like a total fool against someone who’s career peak came as a comedy figure. Rhino made his comeback with an Anderson spinebuster and had Young pinned, but Young chose that moment to try to go after Young, which distracted referee Mark Johnson. Rhino started arguing with Neal, and then Young recovered to ram Rhino into Neal, and got the pin with a schoolboy cradle while holding the tights. It looks so weird to see someone who has a legitimate military background coming off as an idiot doing comedy spots. ½*

Sharmell found Morgan, who was on the cell phone wondering why a 24-hour gym closes at 9 p.m. That’s actually great attention to detail since it’s a holiday weekend and this was taped last week. Sharmell told Morgan that Angle wanted to see him. Morgan went all crazy thinking he was about to be asked to join the mafia, like he was Lex Luger about to join the Four Horsemen in 1986.

Morgan showed up in the mafia dressing room. Booker, who was doing a mafia accent this week, told Angle that Morgan had arrived, despite the fact that they were both standing right in front of him. Pretty funny. Morgan was already asking about how much money he was going to get paid as a mafia member before Angle told him to hold his horses. Angle wanted Morgan to keep Daniels (who Angle called Christopher) away from ringside tonight during the main event. Morgan agreed, but added his patience was wearing thin. Angle said “they never learn.” I can think of a lot of people in wrestling he might have been referring to, but he was talking about Morgan.

Sarita, with a vignette done exclusively in Spanish, is coming in two weeks.

Awesome Kong and Tara defeated Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in 4:32. Tara is now the female version of Jake Roberts, except she carries a tarantula with her inside a belt. West and Tenay were funny again in commentary, and West talked about texting the Beautiful People at 3 AM. When Tenay asked him what he was doing texting them at that time of night, West acted like he was too cool to say. Tara used a bridging reverse chinlock on Velvet Sky. Angelina Love kicked Tara in the back to build the heat. Kong got the hot tag and eventually pinned Sky with an implant buster. Tara then put the tarantula on Sky’s belly while Love and Madison Rayne ran away. West mentioned he hoped it was a male tarantula. Indeed. *

Backstage, Love was freaked out in an interview with Lauren. Love wasn’t as worried about Sky as she was about herself. Then Lauren asked Love what that was on her shoulder, and Love ran off. Lauren just laughed and said “What goes around, come around.” That’s the most personality we’ve seen from Lauren yet.

Booker T and Scott Steiner defeated Team 3-D to earn the tag team title match against Beer Money at Victory Road in 7:14. And no commercial interruptions, either. Beer Money was at ringside doing commentary. There aren’t many matches that come across on Impact like a big deal, but this was one of them. Maybe it was because the stipulations were clearly defined beforehand, or maybe it was seeing the remnants from past great tag teams against another team who has main event experience. Regardless, there was more heat for this match than any on Impact in a long time. Ray and Steiner opened against each other and started crossing up each other’s spots, with Ray hitting a running splash but missing an elbow, while Steiner hit an exploder suplex but also missed an elbow. Booker kicked Dvon from behind while Steiner distracted the ref, which is also how they built hit in the previous tag match. When Brother Dvon hit a clothesline on Booker, crowd really went wild waiting for the hot tag. Brother Ray finished hit hot tag sequence with a full nelson bomb on Steiner, which Tenay didn’t hesitate to call the Buh-Buh bomb. Booker hit the bookend on Ray, who kicked out. That got a good pop. Then Sheik Abdul Bashir and Kiyoshi (without makeup) walked down the ramp and started taunting Beer Money, and it wound up with a brawl to the back. They put up a makeshift wall to block where the backstage area could be seen, which was complete with these cheesy looking furnace filters. Apparently, those filters need more protection because one of them fell off during the brawl. Meanwhile, Team 3-D gave Booker the 3-D and had him pinned, but Sharmell distracted the referee. Steiner got in the ring, but 3-D gave him wazzup. Dvon went after the tables, but then Rob Terry ran in, laid him out and distracted the ref. Then Brutus Magnus ran in, and he had the briefcase back this week. He clocked Ray over the head with it so Booker could get the pin. Good match with good heat. ***

Jethro Holliday versus Black Machismo never got going because Abyss beat up Machismo and Consequences Creed backstage. Abyss then went to the ring, laid out Holliday with a black hole slam and deposited him over the top rope. Abyss called out Dr. Stevie and cut a promo on him saying he was going to engineer his own form of shock treatment. Then Dr. Stevie appeared on the screen and had kidnapped Lauren. Long story short, which I think is impossible at this point, Stevie challenged Abyss to show up at his office next week, or else he would keep Lauren. Abyss looked all worried and ran to the back. It wasn’t the worse angle in the program, and Stevie at least knows how to play the twisted physician.

Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe defeated A.J. Styles and Jeff Jarrett, so Angle retained the TNA Heavyweight title. Jeremy Borash did the ring announcing after the introductions to give the match an urgent feel. Also a lot of heat and a good match. Angle and Jarrett worked early and did some good chain wrestling. Joe tagged in and gave Styles a spinning leg sweep where it appeared Styles landed on his head. Styles recovered to give Joe the best dropkick in the business. Just before a commercial, Styles gave Angle a clothesline over the top, and it appeared Angle landed head-first on the apron. The more he wrestles, the more I freak out about him taking those bumps. During the commercial, Joe gave Styles the STO, and Angle followed with a release belly-to-belly. Styles did a great job selling for Joe’s offense. Styles teased giving Joe the quebrada DDT, but Angle ran in, only to get caught and Styles gave both men a reverse DDT/DDT combo. Styles tried to make the hot tag to Jarrett, but Joe knocked him off the apron. Joe put Styles in the kokina clutch, but Styles rolled out and gave Joe the Pele kick. Jarrett got the hot tag and gave Angle the Pedigree, which Tenay called a double arm DDT. Jarrett blocked an Olympic slam attempt and gave Angle a DDT, forcing Joe to make the save. Jarrett put Angle on the top rope, and Joe followed behind Jarrett and teased the muscle buster, but Styles hit Joe with a springboard forearm, which also took out referee Mark Johnson. Jarrett then gave Angle the Stroke off the top rope and had the pin, but no ref. Jarrett then went for his guitar and brought it in the ring, but Johnson recovered and grabbed the guitar, allowing Angle to clamp on the ankle lock. Styles tried to make the hot tag, but Joe pulled him off the apron. The finish was straight from Wrestlemania 13 with Jarrett reprising the role of Steve Austin. Imagine that. Finally, after a long struggle, Jarrett “passed out from the pain” and Johnson stopped the match. Really good match. ***1/2

Postmatch, the mafia came down to celebrate the victory. Styles went back in the ring with a belt and a guitar to ward the five of them off. Unfortunately, Styles doesn’t own the company, so five guys didn’t scurry away from him. Joe gave him a Diego Sanchez double leg, and before you knew it everybody was stomping him. Backstage, Morgan kept his end of the agreement by keeping Daniels at bay, hitting him with a kendo stick. Nash teased hitting Styles with the Legends belt when the lights went out. When they came back on, Sting was in the ring while Angle was choking Styles. Sting hit everyone in the mafia with baseball bat shots to the belly. He then took Angle’s world title belt, the lights went out, and Sting and the title vanished. Looks like it’s time for the annual “Let’s have the babyface take the world title belt from the champion” angle, which they’ve done every year since 2006.

SUMMARY: From top to bottom, this was one of the best Impacts in a long time. The wrestling was solid, and the out-of-ring stuff was actually pretty entertaining. Impact has ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous this year, but overall their high points have been high enough to where I think you could say they’ve had a better overall presentation than Raw this year. Granted, there have been some dreadful shows, including one less than two months ago. But shows like make you believe in the company.

Jeff Hamlin
jhamlin@wchl1360.com