The Big News: Amazing Red is now the X Division champion after defeating Samoa Joe in a match that didn’t make a lick of sense. Come to think of it, that’s a good way of describing the entire first hour of the show.

Abyss walked into the ring draping barbed wire around the ropes and dumping thumbtacks in the ring, saying he was trying to make himself feel at home. Abyss challenged Mick Foley to a Monster’s Ball match at Bound for Glory, saying that Foley has bled all over the world, but never the way Abyss is going to make him bleed. That earned him some boos. Foley came out with a barbed wire baseball bat. Abyss interrupted Foley during his promo, again getting some jeers. That said, Abyss did a fine promo. He asked Foley if he was a cheap knockoff when he main evented the first Lockdown PPV in a match against A.J. Styles, which was awesome. He brought up the barbed wire match against Sabu where he suffered 122 stitches, and beating Sting for the NWA World Heavyweight Title. Yes, Abyss’ name is in the same record book as Lou Thesz, Pat O’Conner and Buddy Rogers. Abyss said while he was spilling his blood for TNA, Foley was writing children’s books and playing with sock puppets. Some in the crowd still chanted “Foley.” Abyss said Foley is only half the man he used to be. Foley, in an attempt to make amends, announced he was banning the $50,000 bounty on Abyss’ head. That got no pop because Nash had already collected it. Foley announced he was accepting Abyss’ challenge for a Monster’s Ball match and actually got the biggest cheers of the segment. He started to leave, then Foley said he was going to tweak the match and ruled Abyss can’t use thumbtacks. Then he announced a special guest referee, Dr. Stevie, who came out with Daffney. Stevie said Abyss was alienating everyone because of his love of inanimate objects. Stevie said Abyss was nothing more than an annoyance. Then, right on cue, Lauren the interview girl ran out. Guess she thought Stevie was talking to her. Stevie called Lauren a $20 street walker, which brought Abyss back to the ring. Stevie said it again, and Abyss started to give him the brain damage before Daffney gave him a low blow. Foley started to grind the barbed wire bat across Abyss’ head before Matt Morgan ran in and threw Stevie over the top rope. They announced Abyss and Morgan will team tonight against Foley and Kurt Angle. It was never mentioned that Abyss and Morgan were feuding at this time last year. Weird opening segment.

Jeremy Borash was backstage with the World Elite. Eric Young announced victory in their war against the Main Event Mafia. I didn’t know it had started. Borash brought up rumors that Young would face Hernandez at Bound for Glory, which Young blew off.

 Borash talked with Kurt Angle in the mafia dressing room. Angle was furious that the World Elite declared victory over the mafia, then put him a $30,000 bounty on the head of Young. Where was Foley to ban that bounty?

1.    Hernandez defeated Kevin Nash by DQ in 2:29, so Nash retained the Legends Title. What purpose did this serve Hernandez? Standing next to Nash kills his size illusion. In fact, this reminded me of 1998 when Bryan Clark was getting a minor push as Wrath. After stringing together a few wins in a row, he then faced Nash one night on Nitro. Not only did Nash go over, but he killed Wrath’s size aura forever, along with his singles career. Hernandez wasn’t buried here, but it was a struggle The announcers made it clear that Nash didn’t know about the bounty that Angle had just placed on Young. Nash had to take bumps, which doesn’t help matters because he can barely move. After Hernandez did a slingshot shoulder block, Young ran in for no reason. We just established that the World Elite and the mafia are feuding. So what does Young do? Help out a mafia member, of course. He jumped Hernandez from behind and gave him a piledriver, then told Nash he owed him. My head was already spinning and we were only a half-hour in. ¼*

Abyss caught up with Morgan in the back to thank him for saving him earlier. They played off their program from last year, which was never acknowledged in commentary. Abyss wanted to know if he could trust Morgan tonight. Morgan says yes, but for tonight only, because they would never be tag partners again.

Nash found Young backstage and asked why he ran in. Young told Nash about the bounty. But Young was willing to offer Nash $60,000 if he made a match against Hernandez this weekend a three-way. When did Young’s match against Hernandez become official? He acted he didn’t know about just two segments ago. And when did Young start having power to book his own matches? Right now, Lance, Dave and Brian are mad they didn’t wait until Tuesday to do their roundtable show. If they had, they would’ve talked for a week. Anyway, Young offered Nash $60,000 to basically protect him from Hernandez in the three-way. Nash agreed to it.

Lauren was backstage, where Hernandez suffered damage to his neck and was being looked over by medical personnel. Hernandez got up and cut a promo on Young.

Amazing Red defeated Samoa Joe to win the TNA X Division title in 2:40. Joe did his power spots early since he was the one doing the job. He gave Joe the Manhattan drop and a kneedrop. Then Bobby Lashley came down to ringside, playing off last week’s angle where Joe choked him out. This distracted Red, who hit a series of dropkicks before Joe came back with a uranage. Joe challenged Lashley to get in the ring, and referee Earl Hebner allowed Lashley into the ring. Then slugged it out in the ring with Hebner watching, which really looked stupid because just a few weeks ago they supposedly implemented these new rules which gave the referees more power to bar people from ringside. Then someone not involved in the match just marches with no DQ. Lashley gave Joe a full nelson slam. Then Red recovered to give Joe an Infared     (540-degree corkscrew senton) followed by a Red Star Press for the upset pin. Mike Tenay called it perhaps the biggest upset in TNA history. Lashley and Joe had a staredown. *1/2

Joe was furious backstage, grabbed the microphone from Lauren and cut a screaming promo on Lashley. He said he was going to take a piece of Lashley with him tonight.

D’Angelo Dinero and Homicide defeated Suicide and Daniels in 3:58. Homicide and Dinero didn’t even get a ring entrance, which should be a prerequisite for every Dinero match. Finish came when Homicide walked over to the Hispanic broadcast table and attacked play-by-play man Willie Urbina. Hector Guerrero was just watching, and Suicide had to make the save. In the ring, Daniels went for the best moonsault ever, but Homicide clipped Daniels knee, allowing Dinero to hit the DDE for the pin. Afterwards, Tenay said that Homicide attacked Urbina because he thought he was a snitch, but never explained what he was snitching about. **

Angle was upset at Nash backstage because he hasn’t taken Young out. Nash explained that Young offered him $60,000. Angle left to talk with Foley, but wanted to talk with Nash more later. Nash muttered that Angle should have been able to offer him triple to take out Young.

Tenay was in the ring for a contract signing for a four-way latter match at Bound for Glory where both the TNA and IWGP tag team titles will be on the line. The match will be between Scott Steiner and Booker T (who made, most likely, his farewell appearance on this show), The British Invasion, Beer Money and Team 3-D. Booker cut his usual clownish promo, followed by James Storm telling him “Sorry about your damn luck.” That ignited an eight-way brawl. Brother Ray and Brother Dvon got out the tables, but Doug Williams and Brutus Magnus stopped them. Robert Roode placed Booker on a table, but Rob Terry pushed Roode off a latter before he could jump off. Booker and Steiner choke slammed Dvon through a table. Steiner and Booker held up the IWGP belts, which resulted in Magnus and Williams attacking them. The Invasion left Booker and Steiner laying, which at least makes some sense if this is it for Booker.

Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, Alyssa Flash and Traci Brooks defeated Sarita, Taylor Wilde, Hamada and Christy Hemme in an eight-woman elimination match in 6:28. Traci Brooks eliminated Christy Hemme with a very sloppy bareback in 1:10. Alyssa Flash gave Taylor Wilde a surfboard for a two count. Wilde escaped a power slam and gave Flash a back stabber. Hamada hit Flash with a missile dropkick, then sent her out of the ring with a Yakuza kick. They continued brawling on the floor, and were counted out at 3:09. At this point, Tenay worked in a mention that Velvet Sky, So Cal Val and Lauren appear in this month’s edition of Muscle and Fitness magazine.  Taz asked “Wasn’t that the magazine that Vince was on the cover of?” Tenay shot back, “Russo?” Velvet Sky pinned Wilde after a DDT in 3:58. So it was Sarita against Brooks, Sky and Madison Rayne. Sarita pinned Brooks after a belly-to-belly suplex at 4:28. Sarita ducked a double clothesline attempt and sent the Beautiful People into each other, then pinned Sky after a small package at 5:11. Flash came out from the back to argue with the referee about being counted out. As the ref was distracted, Sarita had Rayne pinned after a Tiger Driver, but Lacey Von Erich ran in and gave Sarita a choke slam, setting up Rayne for the pin. At least they gave Von Erich a finisher she couldn’t screw up. **

Angle pleaded with Foley not to do any of the gimmick he’s famous for in tonight’s match. Foley asked Angle if he was playing any games with Abyss when he bloodied him up two weeks ago. Angle seemed taken aback by Foley’s ferocity.

Sting came out for an in-ring interview responding to A.J. Styles comments from the sit-down interview last week. It was great again. It was clear that the undertones on the interview were that this weekend’s match against Styles could be Sting’s last. Sting admitted he was taken aback when Styles gave him the title shot, but the competitor in him accepted because that’s his nature, as it’s been for the last 23 years. Sting says he still has the will to win, but if this Sunday doesn’t end the way he wants it to, then it will be showtime for the last time. Sting started to end the interview before Angle came out. Angle wanted to know if Sting was really going to retire, but said he should have retired before No Surrender when he literally handed Styles the TNA Heavyweight title. Angle said the way Styles and Sting have gotten along lately, maybe they should change the name of the show to “The View” so they could kiss each others asses more. Angle wanted Sting to retire before Bound for Glory so Angle could take his title shot against Styles. Sting challenged Angle to retire him right there on the spot. Security intervened, but the micwork was so good the crowd was begging for more. Angle then jumped Sting and put him in the ankle lock as security tried to pull him off. Styles ran in to make the save. Angle issued a challenge to Styles for next week’s Impact, which Styles accepted.

Styles was backstage with Lauren, who asked if accepted Angle’s challenge was a smart move for next week’s three-hour show three days before Bound for Glory. Styles says they would decide the program next week once and for all.

The Motor City Machine Guns came out to show off their new entrance music and video. Alex Shelley joked their own music is what caused Consequences Creed to throw up in the ring last week. The video showed off lots of Detroit landmarks. Then Joe came out and threw both Shelley and Chris Sabin off the ramp. He got in the ring and screamed for Lashley, who came out. They fought all around ringside. Joe missed a chair shot. They fought to the Spanish announce table, of course. Joe kicked Lashley low and placed him on the broadcast table. Joe climbed a scaffold and gave him an elbow drop. I thought there was no way in hell Lashley was going to risk injury by going through a table.  Granted, it wasn’t that big a jump from Joe, but still impressive that Lashley would take that knowing the injury risk.

Trainers were shown attending to Lashley backstage and it wasn’t treated like a transitional angle, teasing that Lashley wouldn’t be 100-percent against Joe this weekend.

ODB defeated Tara in 3:03 to retain the TNA Knockouts title. They didn’t work well together at all, and the angle that set up the finished sucked so bad the crowd died. ODB hit a fallaway slam. Awesome Kong came out carrying a sledgehammer. Between that and the Tara Rising t-shirt, there’s just too many inside references for this to be an accident. Tara had ODB in a triangle armbar, but Kong was teasing taking the sledgehammer to Poison the tarantula. Tara let go of the armbreaker and grabbed the sledgehammer. Dead silence for all of this. ODB ran up from behind and gave Tara a TKO, getting the pin. ½*

Matt Morgan and Abyss defeated Mick Foley and Kurt Angle in 4:15. Foley tried to come out with Stevie as a special referee, but referee Mark Johnson was having none of it and ordered Stevie away from ringside. Angle did the counter out of a chokeslam into an ankle lock on Abyss. In no time, Foley hit Abyss with a barbed wire baseball bat. All of that within the first 90 seconds. Angle tried the Olympic slam, but Abyss escaped and gave him shock treatment, leading to the Morgan hot tag. Morgan threw mainly clotheslines, but Angle and Foley sold well enough for them. Morgan went for a chokeslam, but Foley kicked him low. Abyss came in with the barbed wire baseball bat, but Foley turned away, right into a carbon footprint for the pin. *3/4

SUMMARY: Pretty much a standard Russo show with the rushed matches. It should be mentioned that Angle and Foley have done more to try and make new stars than many other people their same age and income bracket. An average show overall despite a nonsensical start.

Jeff Hamlin
hamlin36@hotmail.com