In memory of my Uncle Gene Brooks, who passed away today after a fun-filled life. No doubt, Wallace Wade was waiting for him in heaven and there was lots of football talk last night at the Pearly Gates. Thanks for everything, Brooks.

The Big News: The standard Vince Russo fare. Hulk Hogan’s arrival basically overshadowed the entire show, to the point it felt like 1994 WCW again. Only thing is, the positives of Hogan’s arrival back then were apparent for WCW. Right now, the positives for TNA remain in question. It didn’t help that the show was totally forgettable with one angle after another that will no doubt lead to nowhere. 

 The show opened with a package of Hulk Hogan doing the customary television appearances from the past week on Larry King and Jimmy Fallon and his press conference with Dixie Carter. The title of the show was “A New Beginning.” Aside from the Spike TV deal in 2005, how many of those has this company had in seven years only to lead to diminishing returns?

Then came a piece where Carter addressed the wrestlers about Hogan’s arrival. This was like a standard wrestler’s meeting, which is fine in private. After 15 years, unfortunately Vince Russo still can’t grasp the fact that wrestling fans don’t like to have the fact that wrestling is fake rubbed in their face. Eric Young was shown sitting right behind Bobby Lashley, one week after they not only wrestled, but after Young and Scott Steiner laid him out. Carter sure did cut a great interview to the wrestlers, even if it sounds like she’s completely over her head. She told them that if they were questioning the changes she was about to make, that meant they were questioning her. She expected them to support her 100-percent or else find another place to work. Scott D’Amore and Terry Taylor were in the background listening.

A.J. Styles came out and mentioned all the changes within the company, mentioning Hogan by name. In case you’re wondering what Styles was selling after getting his head busted open last week and doing a stretcher job, the answer is nothing. That got a mixed reaction, and Styles said that would lead to a new playing field. Styles then challenged whoever the mystery person who jumped him was to come to the ring “friend or foe.” Daniels came out upset that Styles would use the term “friend or foe,” thinking he was directly referring to him. Daniels called Styles arrogant since he held the title, and said for seven years he had been the future of the company. But he had been pampered the entire way. Daniels says he hasn’t gotten any breaks even though he’s every bit the wrestler that Styles is. He brought up Carter’s conference with the wrestlers earlier. Good promo from Daniels, with a heel slant. Then Samoa Joe came out and called Daniels a bald-faced liar. When Joe brought up the fact that he didn’t need to jump Styles from behind, Daniels got even more defensive and said he could beat Styles anytime because he was the best. Styles caught wind of that and immediately issued a challenge for a singles match tonight, which Daniels accepted. Joe was all smiles upon hearing that. It was announced later that Joe would be the special referee.

1. Beer Money defeated Big Rob Terry and Eric Young in 3:50. Big Rob Terry is still terrible at selling, so naturally he spent the first minute on defense before he gave James Storm a powerslam. Storm later gave Terry a back stabber. Robert Roode gave Terry a blockbuster before Young made the save. Then Roode backdropped Storm over the top rope, and Storm gave Terry a tope. Terry’s head hit the back of the floor. Roode was trying to set up the DWI, but Terry was supposed to give him a Manhattan drop. As if we haven’t seen enough in-ring disasters after the past two weeks, Terry released him wrong and Roode fell right on his face. Didn’t they learn anything from the Rhaka Khan disaster about not putting people in the ring before they’re ready? At least they went right to the finish, which was Young trying to hit Roode with the Global belt, but he hit Terry instead. All of that happened in front of referee Mark Johnson. Roode pinned Terry.  *

The first postmatch angle of that started when Beer Money tried to give Young the DWI, but Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams did a run-in to clean house on the faces. Security broke it up. Wasn’t the British Invasion suspended last week? Then why are they here? Then the Motor City Machine Guns ran out and jumped Williams and Magnus. Mike Tenay mentioned later that an announcement regarding the Invasion’s suspension would be made next week. Maybe they’ll actually miss TV.

The Beautiful People were about to start shooting “Meanest Girls II.” They walked into Sarita’s dressing room but found ODB instead. They joked that ODB was starring in a monster movie. ODB called them the STD sisters. ODB said she was casting for a movie and that a New York Yankee wanted to work with them. Lacey Von Erich asked if it was “Alex Jeter.” Russo doesn’t lack for getting in Yankee references, but pulling for New York is like rooting for Brad Pitt to get the girl. ODB said it was actually “Yank These Nuts” and kicked Von Erich. The Beautiful People jumped ODB, rubbed make up in her face and rolled her up in a carpet bag.

Black Machismo was thrilled with Hogan coming to TNA. Talk about straying from reality. He did the predictable Mega Powers reference. Then he announced the start of the Black Machismo invitational, an open challenge to past legends to face Machismo. He brought up King Kong Bundy, Ric Flair, Jake Roberts, etc.

Jeremy Borash asked Mick Foley about saving Abyss last week. Foley said he was never told about the big changes coming to TNA even though he’s executive shareholder. Foley then asked if Borash had any footage on the security camera inside Foley’s office that he wanted to admit to. Borash said no. I guess that leads to something down the line. Foley said he had a surprise for Abyss that he would show tonight.

2. Desmond Wolfe defeated Cody Beaner in :14. Jawbreaker lariat and pin. Wolfe did a stretcher job. DUD

Kurt Angle “called in” doing color with his voice hoarse, saying he suffered a pinched nerve in his left arm and a damaged larynx because of Wolfe’s clothesline from last week. Angle admitted he wasn’t ready for anything like Wolfe last week. Wolfe did his own promo, and it was a good one saying he doesn’t understand why anyone would want to get in the ring with him. He called Angle “Mangled.” He accepted Angle’s challenge for the Turning Point PPV. To their credit, they’ve done a good job making Wolfe seem special so far. Imagine what they could’ve done with Lashley if that hadn’t have dropped the ball already.

Suicide did an interview with Lauren, who mentioned that Homicide unmasked him. Lauren asked him if he wanted to reveal himself tonight. Yeah, I’m sure that’s why he wore his mask tonight so he could take it off. Suicide declined and cut a promo on Homicide.

Team 3-D put over Carter signing Hogan, saying she had the biggest set of grapefruits in pro wrestling. I’ll say. Rhino walked in and mentioned Team 3-D losing to the Motor City Machine Guns last week, wondering if the bad call by the referee was a mistake or on purpose. Tonight, they face Matt Morgan and Hernandez, the very people who Rhino and 3-D are supposedly losing their jobs to. The very fact that Hogan has been signed pretty much ruins the entire Rhino storyline about the established stars losing their spots.

Daniels did a ring entrance waiting to face Styles. They cut to the back for a Styles promo before the match, which was a surefire angle alert. Styles was jumped by a masked man, who laid him out with a low kick. Daniels and Joe watched on from the ring. As Daniels was about to go help, Joe jumped him and left him laying with a muscle buster.

3. Tara defeated Hamada in 3:03. Tara did a jigglesault for a two count. Hamada did a rope walk arm drag, which led Taz to indirectly mention the Undertaker (not his name, but saying someone in his old company did that). Hamada tried a moonsault, but Tara got the knees up. Tara barely got her up for the widow’s peak, but still got it and the pin. *1/4

Postmatch, Awesome Kong ran down to go after Tara, but security stepped in her way. Tara did a plancha onto about five bodies, and it all ended with the usual pull apart. Taz asked for someone to scream out “Catfight,” referring to Joey Styles.

One hour into the show and there was seven minutes of wrestling.

Tara ran down Kong. They’re wrestling in a cage at Turning Point. Hopefully, they won’t have a DQ.

Foley called Abyss to the ring to deliver the surprise. Foley admitted he felt guilty about calling Abyss a cheap copy of Foley, and that was the only time he felt guilty about saying something during an interview in his life. I’m sure if he had thought hard enough, he would have mentioned the Mohammad Hassan segment from 2005. Foley did a promo that was so good, it almost made sense of the entire angle. It was the best thing on the show. Foley said he had heard about Abyss for the past seven years, and he knew he was good. But the only way he could find out how good Abyss truly is was by wrestling him. Foley said Abyss was even better and tougher than he thought he was. Foley said when he first started wrestling, he wanted to be a cross between Bruiser Brody and the Dynamite Kid. Foley mentioned he nibbled other things from the plates of other wrestlers over the years, but instead of nibbling things from Terry Funk’s plate, he devoured the whole thing. Foley said in 10 years, when people compared Abyss to Foley, he won’t look at Abyss as a cheap copy, but would view that statement as an honor. Foley then teased hitting Abyss with his surprise, but laughed it off. The surprise was a portrait of Abyss and Foley, similar to the one of Foley and Borash that was destroyed. As Foley left, he then made a match where Abyss faces Dr. Stevie next week, and if Abyss wins, Stevie leaves TNA. Another segment that proves there’s only one Foley on the microphone and there will never be another.

In an effort to hammer that point home further, Scott Steiner did a promo mentioning Hogan’s background in the NWO. Steiner teased bringing Hogan into the Main Event Mafia. I thought it was Machismo’s gimmick to keep bringing up defunct groups. He then acknowledged Lashley keeping Krystal away from ringside. Steiner acted like she wanted him and said you can’t stop the lust of a woman.

Morgan did a promo about Hogan coming into TNA. He mentioned growing up and not having Bill Cosby or Ralph Kramden as a role model, it was Hogan. Cosby I understand because he had the top rated show on television in the mid-80s. I would’ve even understood the Fonz, because Happy Days was all the rage in the late-70s. But Ralph Kramden was from a sitcom in the 1950s. Well, maybe Bobby Heenan got that one.

4.Bobby Lashley defeated Homicide in 1:04. Referee Earl Hebner opened the match by sending Krystal to the back. Tenay even brought up that rule where TNA officials had more latitude about taking control of matches. I guess that explains the 2 million run-ins we’ve had over the past two weeks, not to mention every match ending with some sort of an angle. Didn’t Steiner mention that Bobby was keeping Krystal away from ringside? And wasn’t the only reason why Hebner sent her to the back was to set up the next angle where Steiner would harass her? Homicide did a missile dropkick which Lashley powered out of. Lashley did a choke slam and pin. They totally ruined any heel aura that Homicide was starting to develop after this. ¼*

Postmatch, Homicide jumped Lashley and tried to hit him with his boot. Lashley blocked the boot shot and pressed Homicide. At that point, Steiner appeared on the big screen coming on to Krystal again. He started to kidnap her when Lashley ran to the back for the save. Lashley brawled with Steiner backstage, including throwing him into trash cans and metal boxes before the Motor City Machine Guns and Black Machismo pulled them off. Yes, another pull apart, too.

After a commercial, Homicide starting arguing with Hebner, then pushed him down. Amazing Red ran out for the save, sending Homicide running with a flying clothesline. So fast there was no point in doing it.

5.Taylor Wilde defeated Madison Rayne in 1:01. Wilde got the pin with a bridging cradle. ¼*

Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich ran in and started choking out Wilde with a pink police baton. There was stone cold silence for this because the crowd had seen this same pattern nonstop for two straight shows. Sarita ran out, but the numbers game was too much. Finally, ODB, who apparently unwrapped herself earlier, ran in to clear the ring.

Hernandez and Morgan did a promo denying there was any conspiracy to rid TNA of the veterans.

6. A.J. Styles defeated Daniels in 4:52 with Samoa Joe as the special referee. . Daniels came out for his match with Styles, and Joe stayed out of the ring after what happened earlier. Playing off the situation earlier, there was an added stipulation where if Daniels jumped Joe, he would lose his spot in the Turning Point main event. Storyline was Styles’ ribs were injured after getting jumped earlier, so Daniels did a series of moves to take advantage of that. He hit a gut wrench gutbuster, a codebreaker and a split-legged moonsault. Styles reversed the angel’s wings and hit a DDT to start the comeback. Styles collided with Daniels while trying the springboard forearm. After Daniels countered the quebrada DDT, Styles hit a series of counters that led to the Styles clash and pin. Best thing on the show. They actually let a wrestling match tell the story. Imagine that. ***

Joe was an impartial ref throughout all this. He handed the belt to Styles and started to leave. As Styles checked on Daniels, Joe ran back in and choked out Styles with the Kokina Clutch, then stood above both men holding the belt over his head.

Hernandez did a promo about Hogan’s arrival. He talked about how the increased exposure will help the younger wrestlers. Yeah, look what it did for Kidman.

Stevie and Daffney did a promo with Lauren. Hasn’t Stevie kidnapped her before? Why would Abyss leave her alone with him? Stevie said Abyss isn’t ready for what he has prepared for him next week.

7. Matt Morgan and Hernandez defeated Team 3-D by DQ in 6:06. A match for nothing but storyline. Ray gave Hernandez a superplex. Then Brother Dvon started selling his knee after tagging in. At this point, Rhino ran down to ringside and started pointing out to Ray that Morgan and Hernandez were trying to take out Dvon’s knee. Rhino wanted Ray to use a chair. Ray pushed Rhino down and picked up the chair. Hernandez and Morgan worked on Dvon’s knee, When Morgan teased a choke slam, Ray ran in and decked Morgan with a chair across the back, and gave Hernandez a chair shot across the head. Ray looked immediately remorseful. Rhino then walked in and gave Hernandez and Morgan a gore each. Rhino held up Team 3-D’s hands, but neither Ray nor Dvon looked happy about it. Crowd just seemed confused. *

SUMMARY: It’s very hard to get interested in a show where the matches are nothing but a series of meaningless two-minutes interludes between angles. There’s no way to have the matches mean anything because the fans know the postmatch angle will overshadow it. So why even have matches to begin with? There was a postmatch angle for every match on this show, thus the results meant zilch. I have never seen a company do less with more. Foley’s interview and the Styles-Daniels match were the only things worthwhile, but even those were lost in the shuffle because of all the clutter.

Jeff Hamlin
hamlin36@hotmail.com