The Big News: After last week’s debacle, WWE finally realized what they needed more of. Goofy comedy.

Show Analysis:

The show started with Johnny Damon coming out. He received repeated boos and when the crowd wouldn’t let up it was pretty clear they flat out didn’t like the guy as opposed to just teasing him. Damon has played for the Royals, Red Sox and Yankees and those teams are all hated rivals of the Tampa Bay Rays. Particularly those dastardly Royals. Willie Wilson still gets death threats from the Tampa area code.

Damon came out to “Center Field” and wished the crowd a Merry Christmas. They booed. Hey, in Philadelphia they would have thrown batteries. Damon said he was world champion in Boston and New York and gave them a little crotch chop. He announced something involving Secret Santas giving wrestlers wishes.

At that point a blonde came out of the crowd attacking a Tiger mascot with a golf club. That would have been funnier if an NFL team hadn’t done the exact same gag to national attention weeks ago. They come across so second rate with dated stolen jokes. The crowd didn’t react at all and the announcers did their fake laugh gimmick. Damon then announced a divas match. Damon seemed enthusiastic about serving as guest host, but he wasn’t a good performer at all unfortunately.

Melina, Kelly Kelly and Gail Kim defeated Maryse, Alicia Fox and Jillian Hall. The women were all wearing Christmas outfits. Gail hit a crossbody off the top on Jillian, but the heels took over briefly on Gail. Gail got the tag to Kelly who came in with clotheslines, a huracanrana and a leg drop on Maryse. Maryse’s partners broke up the pin attempt and a brawl broke out. Maryse lifted Kelly for a slam but Melina dropkicked Kelly on top for the pin. This was one of the best women’s matches on Raw in ages. Not that it was a great match or anything, but it was much crisper than usual.

Next up was a little people’s court segment. Shawn Michaels and HHH went under the ring and when they turned on the lights it was a backstage corridor supposedly under the ring. There was a room for the little people’s court. The court of course had little jurors and a little judge. Hornswoggle came in and screamed at DX. They aired footage of DX abusing Hornswoggle and said he was bringing an NIED claim. This was a long segment and it didn’t even conclude the thing, but it was better than I expected. It wasn’t funny but it wasn’t offensive or overly stupid either.

Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne beat Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes. Kingston tagged in early and went to town on Rhodes. The crowd started chanting for Kofi at which point he missed a move and Rhodes tagged Orton. The heels worked over Kingston, who eventually got the tag to Bourne. Bourne took out all his opponents with dropkicks and hit the shooting star press on Rhodes. DiBiase broke up the pin attempt.

Orton grabbed Bourne and clotheslined him on the floor. He rolled Bourne back in and Rhodes covered but Bourne kicked out. The heels went after Bourne, with Bourne continually trying to fight back. Bourne finally got the tag to Kingston who came in with chops, a dropkick, a springboard dropkick and the boom drop on Orton. The crowd was into this. Rhodes broke up a pin attempt but Henry took out Rhodes. Orton tagged in DiBiase but Kingston caught DiBiase with the trouble in paradise for the pin immediately. This was a great match, well laid out and well executed with the right finish.

Backstage, they did a segment with Sgt. Slaughter in a Santa suit and Johnny Damon making a match between Carlito and Chris Masters, fighting over Eve. Later they did basically the same thing with Dusty in the Santa suit to make MVP vs. Sheamus.

Little people’s court concluded with another segment. HHH and Michaels tried to make peace but kept making references to size. Hornswoggle aired footage of HHH giving him the pedigree. The judge banged her gavel which apparently in WWE means guilty. Michaels then went on a rant about how Hornswoggle would have to prove himself before being admitted into DX.

The little people responded by throwing things at DX. They then chased DX out of the room. DX tried to hold them in the room while they reached out with their hands like a zombie movie. DX escaped from under the ring but Michaels was pulled back under like a horror movie. HHH eventually assisted him in escaping. I did like the horror gags at the end but ultimately this just felt like a waste of time.

John Cena beat Jack Swagger. They gave these two a lot of time and they delivered a fun match. Swagger looked the best he has in ages. By giving Swagger a lot it also made it feel like Cena accomplished something by scoring the win. Swagger scored a takedown early and worked over Cena with wrestling and brawling.

Swagger hit a side slam, leg drop and Vader bomb for two. Cena retaliated with the Cena slam and five knuckle but Swagger avoided the FU and hit an Oklahoma stampede. Cena fought off a superplex attempt but missed the top rope rocker dropper attempt. Swagger went for another Vader bomb but missed and Cena applied the STF for the submission.

Chris Masters beat Carlito in a quick match. They teased the Masterlock and the back stabber before Masters successfully applied the Masterlock for the victory. Poor Carlito. Masters and Eve kissed after the match. They then did “comedy” backstage with Santa IRS telling Miz he owes back taxes and Mae Young making out with Johnny Damon. You know, there’s no rule that says you can’t go fifteen minutes on a wrestling show without wacky comedy. Particularly when your writers suck at writing comedy. Oh well. They announced Timbaland as guest host next week.

Sheamus beat MVP in a squash. He used punches and kicks and a back breaker. MVP got an exceedingly brief comeback but Sheamus cut him off with the big boot and razor’s edge for the pin. Sheamus got basically no reaction and the crowd was dead for this. Cena after the match came out and said he wanted his rematch then, but Sheamus left.

Johnny Damon and Vince McMahon met backstage. Damon made a Sheamus vs. Cena title match for next week. Presumably Cena wins via DQ in some sort of screw job. Damon asked Vince if Bret Hart is coming in. Vince said that’s a bah humbug question.

Miz beat Santino Claus. Miz jumped Santino with punches, kicks and a neck breaker. Santino did his comedy comeback but missed a fist drop off the second rope. Miz hit the skull crushing finale for the pin.

The “main event” was a stupid prolonged skit. Big Show called out “the real Santa.” He wanted a wish and asked for Chris Jericho back on Raw. Santa granted the wish. Hornswoggle then came out and pulled off Santa’s beard to reveal Jericho. A bunch of little people came out from under the ring in DX gear. The crowd was not reacting to this at all. How many stupid comedy segments need to bomb on Raw before they just present a semi-serious wrestling product?

Jerishow got rid of the little people. Show gave one a side slam. They went after Hornswoggle but Hornswoggle fought back with sweet shin music on Jericho. Show lifted Hornswoggle for a choke slam but DX made the save. DX acknowledged that Hornswoggle is growing on them and made him the DX mascot. So Hornswoggle is now officially associated with DX. I’d personally prefer him to be associated with Siegfried and Roy’s tiger or perhaps a live volcano, but maybe that’s just me.

Final Thoughts:

I’m a wrestling fan. Raw these days unfortunately is not written for wrestling fans. This leads to a lot of frustration as they trot out one stupid comedy vignette after another.

On the plus side, this was at least better than last week. I did greatly enjoy the six man tag and Cena/Swagger, and the show was shaping up to be a genuinely good one before it fell off a cliff in the second half. And the writers of the show might actually have had a better night than whoever called that final play of the first half for the Redskins.

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and an enjoyable holiday season.

Todd Martin
ToddMartin4L@aol.com
toddwmartin.blogspot.com