The Big News: Randy Orton finally got some payback on Kofi Kingston with a little help from his friends.

Show Analysis:

Chris Jericho and Big Show came out to start the show. Jericho and Show wanted to deliver some “facts” to illustrate that DX isn’t that good. They pointed out that DX has never even held the tag titles while Jerishow has held all sorts of titles. They said they can’t be beat, and that DX has never been in a TLC match.

DX came out, and HHH said that Jerishow was boring the audience to death. This was a true statement. HHH said that DX has an army of people who believe in them because they all believe in grabbing life by the throat. Shawn Michaels said that they will win the tag titles and if Jericho loses the tag titles he will no longer be on Raw. Jericho said that without him Raw is nothing. They made a match for later with HHH vs. Jericho and the loser has to wrestle in a handicap match against the winner’s tag team next week.

This was an ungodly boring segment. They went on for seemingly forever (twenty minutes in real time) and had absolutely nothing new or interesting to say. It didn’t help that the big pay-per-view tease (Jericho leaving Raw) was a rerun from last month with John Cena and the angle for the end of the show (wrestlers fighting even odds to set up a handicap match next week) was a rerun from two months ago with John Cena, Randy Orton and Jerishow.

Maryse and Jillian Hall beat Melina and Gail Kim. I had forgotten just how awesome Maryse’s heel mannerisms are. They really should link her with an act they want to move to the top of the card. Maryse tagged out to avoid Melina and mocked her. Melina later got in with Maryse and used a series of kicks and a spear. Maryse cut her offense off with an implant DDT for the pin.

Sheamus came out and said that at the PPV he doesn’t have to pin or submit John Cena, just put him through a table. Is it really good to emphasize your title match will likely have an inconclusive finish? Sheamus said he will make Cena take him seriously. Santino came out and did a bunch of comedy about Sheamus overlooking him as an opponent. He got in a Lucky Charms reference and skin pigmentation jokes. Sheamus of course destroyed him with the big boot and razor’s edge and put him through a table.

Verne Troyer was talking on his cell phone backstage and was approached by Big Show and Chris Jericho. They wanted to speak with him but he didn’t want to be interrupted from his call. Jericho eventually gave up on waiting and left, at which point Troyer immediately had the chance to say hello and shook hands with Show. Troyer is very small.

Troyer came out in front of the audience. He talked about coming to SummerSlam and how he loved everyone he met except the Miz. Troyer seemed nervous and his delivery wasn’t great but I thought it worked fine anyway because it came across more authentic.

Miz came out and told some jokes about Troyer’s height. There were Mini-Miz and Austin Powers references. Troyer said he would do that with Miz but Miz hasn’t been in any movies despite two Jackass movies being released. Miz threatened Troyer but Mark Henry came out to protect Troyer. Miz made some Fat Bastard jokes and ridiculed Henry as bland. Troyer made a match between Henry and Miz.

Randy Orton beat Kofi Kingston. As Kingston came out, he was jumped from behind by Cody Rhodes. Rhodes beat him up and threw him into the steps but Kingston wanted to continue with the match. Ted DiBiase then attacked his knee from behind and took it out. Kingston still wanted to wrestle, so Orton came out and beat him down. Kingston couldn’t fight back and succumbed to the RKO.

I like the idea behind this angle, with Kingston fighting heroically but falling just short thanks to the uneven odds. In practice, I thought it suffered a little bit from the fact Kingston never really made a comeback. It would have worked a lot better if Kingston teased that he could pull it off in spite of everything before Orton finally caught him with the RKO. It ended up being more of a squash, although I’m sure this isn’t the end of this program.

After the match, Orton put Kingston on the top rope and then gave him the DDT off the ropes. It looked great and Kingston sold it very well. This was a strong angle with both Kingston and Orton doing a great job.

Backstage, MVP and Troyer were playing video games. Jillian got in front of the screen and wanted to sing a song. MVP suggested she sing so Mark Henry could show off his dancing ability. The idea is they’re trying to show Henry isn’t bland. Well, his dancing didn’t do anything to dissuade that notion. Henry accidentally fell on Jillian. Troyer speculated she was dead but then went back to playing the video game.

John Cena did a promo in the ring. He said he would put up his title on Raw against Sheamus. Carlito came out instead. Carlito said he likes what Sheamus represents. He added that a lot of the wrestlers in the back want Cena to lose the title because they’re tired of him. Carlito said Sheamus represents the wrestlers and he’ll beat Cena and end Cena’s reign in WWE. This was a pretty darn great promo by Carlito.

John Cena said Carlito picked the wrong guy on the wrong night. Carlito started to chew some apple but Cena punched him, gave him the FU, and threw him out of the ring. It was a shame to see Carlito treated like a joke after he did a better job of building interest in Sheamus in two minutes than Sheamus has himself his entire WWE tenure. Sheamus came out and Cena challenged him but Sheamus left to the back.

Mark Henry beat Miz. Prior to the match, MVP served as hype man for a Mark Henry “rap.” This was not a good idea. Henry was just dreadful. I don’t even know how to do it justice with a comparison point. Vanilla Ice and 50 Cent aren’t even that bad. Okay, Vanilla Ice isn’t even that bad. Miz dominated the match with punches and clotheslines but was caught coming off the top rope with the world’s strongest slam for the pin.

Hornswoggle “spoke” with DX backstage. He made noises and there were subtitles. The subtitles themselves didn’t make any sense because WWE writers apparently have no idea how the legal system works. I think the idea is that the little people’s court was an offer for independent mediation but DX rejected that so now he is going to sue them. Mark Cuban will be guest host next week. That should be good.

Triple H beat Chris Jericho. Big Show and Shawn Michaels did commentary. Jericho worked over HHH but HHH got up his knees on a lionsault attempt. HHH attempted a pedigree which was reversed into a jackknife cradle for two. Jericho hit a DDT for two. HHH used a spine buster but again only got a two. Show and Jericho both did interference spots with the referee distracted. Show used the punch and Michaels the superkick and the referee ordered each to leave ringside. HHH attempted a pedigree which was reversed into a Walls attempt which was reversed into a rollup for the pin.

Final Thoughts:

This show had more misses than hits. It wasn’t a disaster and there were some good segments, but too much of it was dull and/or dumb.

Todd Martin
ToddMartin4L@aol.com
toddwmartin.blogspot.com